Diary of a SubUrban Housewife

By Any Other Name

When any couple (or single person, cuz we're not exclusionary here) finds out they're expecting, among the myraid issues and questions, one of the biggest is, "What will we name this little bugger?"

Occasionally this is a foregone conclusion, when you're a III or IV or even if mom or dad is set on having a Jr. My husband is a Jr. (there's a little known Chuck factoid for ya.)

Usually, however, it is a subject fraught with disagreement and shall we say "issues". Issues of this variety: Brunhilda was his ex-girlfriend's name; I hated someone named Milicent so I could never name my daughter that; your ex-husband was Bubba, so that's really out of the question, etc.

Jewish people do not name their children after living family members, as a rule. As with all rules, there are exceptions. I believe Safartic Jews may, in fact, name after living people. Ashkenazie Jews (of which I am one) name their children after recently-passed family members.

When Zoe was conceived, the only dead relative I had was my grandpa Hymie. The thing with this naming after Jewish thing is it's kind of freeform. Hymie was his English name, Chaim his name in Hebrew. I could have picked an H or Ch name and frankly used it as a middle name and be done with it.

And for you non-Jews out there, please make that Ch sound deep in your throat, the more phlegm noise, the better.

Then when I was five months pregnant my Grandma Anne, died. (Channah in Hebrew). While I was not at my grandmother's funeral (busy on vacation in London, thanks for asking), apparently my still-to-be-born child's name was on everyone's lips. We knew it was a girl and dear Aunt Joyce who minds everyone's business decreed that this baby, the first in the family for my generation, must be named Channah. Thanks Joyce, we'll get back to you on that.

Then six weeks later her husband, Grandpa Ruby died (I don't know his Hebrew name and I'm not calling my mother or father to find out). I made it to this funeral (7 1/2 months pregnant, thanks) and interestingly enough, Joyce never managed to mention that I would be naming my daughter Channah.

So now we have a whole passel of dead people to either choose from, or not.

Chuck and I sat down with books, printouts from the Internet, and other sources of girl's names. Some of the top contenders were Sydney and Lily. (I vaguely recall him not liking Lily, but I did, and frankly still do.)

We finally ended with with Zoe. The Hebrew word for grandfather is Zadie and since I had two recently-dead grandfathers, it seemed a good way to go. (See above for the free-form interpretation of naming people with permission to use the first letter only--for those of you who may be lost here.)

As an update here, Chuck insists that we named her after the little girl in the cartoon Baby Blues, which I would *never* have agreed to. Similarly he insists he *never* would have agreed to my version of the story. So there you have that.

As for a middle name, it wasn't until they were about to rip the birth certificate from our hands in the hospital that we decided. Hannah. After my grandma after all. Chuck's choice as I recall. And I get kind of misty thinking about that.

So it's Zoe Hannah. It's a great name if you ask me. There weren't many Zoe's when we named her, and now you can't spit without hitting another Zoe. There is another Zoe in her class as a matter of a fact. So my daughter is Zoe A. (And that's how she used to sign her Mother's Day and Father's Day cards, just so we didn't think it's the other Zoe by mistake.)

But have you ever tried to find stuff with the name Zoe printed on it? You know, those mini-license plates, or key chains, or mugs or things like that? Not so easy I'm here to tell you.

On family outing this evening we ended up at a card/novelty store. There was a rack of those little license plates. Like a moth to a flame I am drawn to those racks. Just to prove that there will be no Zoe. There was not.

There was Catherine, Kathryn, Katherine, and Cathryn; Brianna and Briana, Katelyn and Caitlin; Montana; Autumn; Jesus; Caleb; Brandi; Brittney and Brittany; Destiny; Madaline; Miriam; Crystal and Krystle; and even Javier.

But no Zoe.

Posted by beth at September 13, 2003 10:40 PM