Diary of a SubUrban Housewife

Monday's Regular Feature

Scrooge:: bah
Ribbon:: cutting
Physical:: mental
Income:: tax
Dream:: Works
Notebook:: laptop
Disney:: land
Combo:: fries
Booty:: call
Skin:: flick

As always, a big shout out to Unconscious Mutterings.

Uncanny

This is my horoscope for today:

You may find that your emotions are difficult to deal with, dear Scorpio, especially later on in the day. Consider taking a more intellectual approach instead of an emotional one. Your feelings are apt to lead you into a drastic mood swing, from one side of the spectrum to the other, while the thing you really need right now - especially tonight - is balance. Tie up any loose ends to maintain more of equilibrium in your life.

If you only knew how true this is, your mind would be boggled as well.

OK, It's Funny To Me

Rocky Horror Much?

I'm soooo all about a good quiz:

Thank you.

I Say This With Love in My Heart

I'm just back from my post-lunch smoke break. In the approximately 10 minutes it took me to smoke my ciggie I was alternately horrified and appalled at the things I saw. So....fellow residents of Bunker Hill, and indeed the world, take these words to heart. I mean them with all the love I can muster:

1. If your bra cuts into you so that you look like you have four breasts instead of the usual two, please go up a cup size. It is not a good look. Ever.

2. White panty hose are only suitable for wear by nurses. Even if you are Olive Oyl, they will make your legs look fat. And another thing...white pantyhose do not work with cream anything.

3. Your socks or pantyhose should not ever be darker then your shoes.

4. While I give you credit for taking the bold step of mixing plaids, floral patterns, and stripes, please . . .

5. There are shoe repair shops out there for a reason. Pesky details like new heels and polishing services are available. If your shoes look like shit, so do you, no matter how well put together the rest of your outfit is.

6. Short-sleeve dress shirts are not a good look any anyone.

7. Camel-toe is not professional looking.

I trust you will all take note of these issues and address them immediately. Thanks for helping to make my day just that much better.

Interesting Result

You know me and these wacky quizzes. Thanks honey.

Your Secret Fetish Is BDSM!

Tie me up! Tie me down!
Whether you're doing the tying, or doing the crying, you love BDSM.
For you, love hurts- and sex hurts even more.
So make that spanking a little harder. The more you bleed, the more you cum.

What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Monday's Regular Feature

Blizzard:: snow day
J:: Crew
Control:: yourself
Blood:: pressure
Mysterious:: sultry
Annoying:: oy
Throat:: deep
Condom:: oops, it broke
Search:: for Tomorrow
Heartfelt:: apology

And, as always, a big shout out to Unconscious Mutterings.

Woops

Note to self: In the future, make sure all toys are put away before 7 1/2 year old daughter comes into my bedroom and asks me questions I'm not prepared to answer.

Monday's Regular Feature

Warning:: signs
Aspirations:: goals
Starvation:: diet
Lid:: pot (as in marijuana)
Sketch:: pad
Interrogate:: question
Credit:: card
Scotch:: Guard
Confused:: dazed
Paris:: Jean Pierre

As always, a big shout out to Unconscious Mutterings.

Yeah, You're a Giver

Well, in the spirit of giving in this holiday season, my husband has generously shared his germs with me and I am sick. Thanks honey.

I ache all over and generally feel like shit.

But I bow before the altar that is Dayquil.

I took two horse-sized caplets this afternoon and I am here to tell you...that shit works. I don't feel fabulous, but my skin doesn't hurt quite so much and I feel like I may live to see another day.

Close Encounter

So, I had a Close Encounter of the Star Kind today.

A major one.

A major interpersonal star moment today.

Keanu Reeves was at my daughter’s school Winter Pageant. Yeah, Neo. We smoked together outside the theater. OK, I was standing five feet from him, but we made eye contact and nodded at each other.

I like to think he was checking me out.

Now I’m not much into Keanu. He always seemed dirty to me, and not in a good way. But my opinion may be changing. He’s a lot taller then I thought, easily 6', and was disheveled, but in a good way. Just hanging out and smoking. So....Keanu may be added to my list. He’s gone up many points on the sex-appeal scale, but alas, he’s still in the toilet acting-wise.

OK, and to be totally obnoxious about it, while I was having this star sighting moment, I was standing there smoking and talking to my friend Bob. Yes, my friend Bob was Damone. And he’s actually my friend.

Go ahead, you can touch me now.

It's Imminent

I'm Jewish. The first time I celebrated Christmas I was 12. We went to the home of my father's then-girlfriend's (who later became his wife and then ex-wife) parents. They had a tree. We got presents.

But I was 12. I was clear on where the presents came from.

So the whole Santa thing was a non-issue for me.

We celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah here.

As for Hanukkah, we light the menorah each night, say the brucha, Zoe opens a present my mother has sent, and we eat potato latkes at least once.

As for Christmas, we have a tree, on Christmas morning we all open presents, and we eat too much. There is nothing religious about our celebration. But there is Santa. Santa brings Zoe presents.

We take Zoe to see Santa each year. She sits on Santa's lap and tells him what she wants. OK, this year Zoe e-mailed Santa her list. But you get the point. Santa is inolved. Zoe believes in Santa.

But Zoe is in third grade now. I know that the Santa thing is going to come to an end soon. Not from us. But from the other kids. The kids in the upper grades or maybe a classmate. I've been thinking about it. Kind of dreading it. And quite frankly, have no clue how to deal with it, having never gone through it myself. I figured we had until next year, or maybe the year after that.

Well, the other night as we were driving home from dinner "it" came up. From the back seat comes the question, "Is Santa real?"

There was silence in the front seat, but only for a moment. Chuck stepped up in a really big way. He handled the situation like a champ.

He asked Zoe what she meant. She informed us that one of the kids in her class said that Santa is not real. Chuck asked her what she thought. Zoe said she still believes. Chuck told her that if she believes then Santa is real. Then there was a discussion about the fact that she knows that some of her gifts come from us. He explained that yes, some gifts come from mommy and daddy, but that Santa brings gifts too. This seemed to satisfy her.

I know I would have stepped up in some manner but I'm very glad I didn't have to.

Santa was there for me.