CHRISTMAS AND HANUKKAH ANNOUNCE MERGER
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1,300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim empire.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Hanukkah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."
Posted by beth at December 22, 2004 11:16 AMEven though I'm not Jewish, it pleases me that Oreo cookies were declared to be kosher. Too bad Rice Krispy treats aren't.
Beth, very funny entry. Thank you, because I needed that laugh!
Posted by: Carol at December 23, 2004 10:57 AMVery cute. I especially liked the Oreo reference... that was BIG news in my circles when it happened!
Posted by: David at December 23, 2004 12:15 PMThere's a dumb show on called The O.C. that is kind of fun to watch nonetheless. One of the characters, who is in a mixed family (Jewish and Gentile), invented "Christmakah," which combines the best of both worlds.
Posted by: Lesley at December 27, 2004 12:34 AMActually, the correct term is ChrisChunnukah! Or so my kids have told me. We celebrate both holidays in my household and it is an adventure in living. This was a great entry. I sending you wishes for a very Happy New Year!
Posted by: Little Island at December 28, 2004 09:15 AM