Diary of a SubUrban Housewife

By Any Other Name

I was out running errands for work today, and one of those errands took me to a supermarket. As I was waiting in line to check out, I perused the purchases of the shopper in front of me. He had two items: a bottle of orange juice and a bottle of dried plum juice.

OK, the orange juice thing is pretty straight forward, so I'm on board with that.

But........correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't dried plums prunes? Wouldn't dried plum juice be prune juice? (And we won't even get started on thinking about how one juices something that's dried in the first place.)

200 Things

The ones I've done are in bold. Courtesy of One to the Nth Power:

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ˜I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten my own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Rode on a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it.
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Rode a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Rode on a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Rode a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via Blogger
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

More About Me

Courtesy of my husband, who shamelessly stole it from Gavin (but steal is such an ugly word).

Just think, if I can find enough of these floating around I may never have to come up with an original thought to post here again.

3 THINGS...

...I am wearing right now

1. Urban Decay brand lipstick, color: fur,
2. my office key ring with eight keys, a mini flashlight, and my building ID, and
3. a black bra.

...on my desk

1. a tub of Olive Body Butter from the Body Shop,
2. a half-full can of Dr. Pepper, and
3. a can of WD 40.

...I want to do before I die

1. travel more,
2. live in a foreign country, and
3. win the lottery.

...good things about my personality

1. I'm thoughtful,
2. kind, and
3. caring.

...bad things about my personality

1. I'm petulant,
2. can be passive agressive, and
3. totally bitchy.

...I like about my body

1. my mouth,
2. my eyes, and
3. my breasts.

...I don't like about my body

1. my butt,
2. my thighs, and
3. the fact that everything is a bit lower than it was 20 years ago.

...most people don't know about me

1. I have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor at least five times,
2. I get a manicure every two weeks, and a pedicure every three, and
3. I have a good voice for phone sex (if I was inclined to go that route).

...I say the most

1. hon,
2. yes dear, and
3. fuck you, I mean I love you.

...I want to go to

1. China,
2. Australia, and
3. back to the Caribbean.

...names that I go by

1. Beth
2. Bethifer
3. Honey

...screen names I have had

1. Peg
2. Mrs. Blandings
3. Pinonetta

Do Me A Favor

If you're coming here cuz someone linked you from an entry of mine back in October of last year, do me a favor and drop me a line with the details. Thanks. Your hostess.

Boob-A-Thon

I am pleased and proud to announce that I am once again in a participant in the Blogger Boobie Thon, with proceeds going to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

Go and have a look. Enjoy yourself.

And while you're at it, make a donation to this very worthwhile cause. Breast cancer has touched my life and the life of nearly every person I know, in one way or another. Make a difference; I'm hoping my boobs will.

And I'll gladly share mine with you if they can help to spare someone elses.

And as a special added bonus this year, if you make a donation and guess which boobs are mine, I will send you a copy of the picture of my boobs (bra optional for donations over $100).

But you better hurry cuz I was late getting this up this year and I think you only have until tomorrow to donate through the site.

P.S. Go here and click to help give free mammograms.

The Perfect Word

Monsieur le Evaporation stopped by the casa this afternoon, on his way over to Carol's house. The hub and spawn were off at some fair at my mother in law's church, leaving me and El Steve home alone.

While we could have opted for an afternoon of hot, steamy, extramarital sex, we took it in a different direction. We chatted. For a nice long time.

Though I've known Steve for about six years now, I'm going to have to figure this as the first time our respective spouses have trusted us to be alone together. Silly them. But I digress.

We talked of many things. We laughed. We cried.

But at one point in the conversation I was referring to the global you. You know....the more than one you. The you meaning everyone. And I was once again slapped in the face with the fact that English does not have a word for this concept. Texans do: all y'all. (Cuz you know that old joke, what's the plural of y'all? All y'all.) But I'm not a y'all kinda girl.

So instead of saying all y'all I said ustedes. And Mr. Amaya, being the fine Mexican that he is, completely grasped my concept.

(For those of you non-Spanish speakers, ustedes is the plural you--basically all y'all.)

English really needs a proper word for this concept. Submissions being accepted.

Tis Nearly the Season

As Chuck and I do not share the same faith, we Atkins' celebrate nearly any holiday that involves gift giving. And as internet junkies, we do a fair amount of this shopping either online directly or place our catalogue orders online. As a result, we get dozens, perhaps hundreds, of catalogues on a regular basis.

For my own personal amusement I have started a new feature over there on the right, Catalogue Watch 2004. Starting today I will update that area with the number of catalogues we receive between now and December 25.

That tally will not include the dozens of fabulous offers I receive daily in my e-mail because I just don't think there's a number high enough to include all of that.

Keep track yourself and let me know how you're doing compared to me.

A Glimpse Into My Newest Dirty Secret

Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.


Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Another Typical Day

An actual phone conversation I had today:

Co-Worker: Goodmorning
Me: Goodmorning
Co-Worker: You don't happen to have an extra pair of black high heels in your office I could borrow, do you?
Me: In fact I do, come on over.

I Couldn't Quite Get My Mouth Around This

I had some friends over last night for a little dinner/card party. These are friends I've had for many, many years. Hilarity and a fair amount of drunken debauchery were involved. Suffice it to say that though I wasn't hung over this morning, I did wake feeling like I'd been rode hard and put up wet. Perhaps the tequila taste testing had something to do with that, but we can't be too sure.

Like I said, these are long time friends, and I love them dearly.

I made my famous meatloaf for dinner, because I mean really, who doesn't love meatloaf? My friend Les volunteered to provide dessert. My other friend Kelli brought a backup dessert because she suspected that Les' dessert involved coconut and she knows I can't stand coconut.

Well....Les' dessert did not involve coconut. No. Coconut would have been a vast improvement over what Les brought. You see, apparently Les is having a Halloween party at his office on Friday and decided we were all to be victims of the trial run of his dessert, kitty litter cake.

And for those of you too lazy (or maybe smart) to go check out that link, here's a picture of what it looks like. And yes, he served his in a litter pan too:

Those brown "deposits" are in fact melted tootsie rolls. The appearance was so lifelike it was mind-boggling.

When he unveiled his creation there was much shuddering. As owners of many many kitties I have a thorough knowledge of what a cat box looks like, and I'm here to tell you, he hit the nail on the head. And yes, I knew it was food. I knew what the ingredients were. But I also knew there was no way on this earth that was going anywhere near my mouth.

Thank goodness for that backup dessert.

High Five

A big high-five to whoever controls the weather and saw fit to wait until I got home from work tonight before starting the downpour which me is making me rethink my transportation from Volvo to possibly Ark.

Thanks!

And While I'm Issuing Mad Props

A HUGE SubUrban shoutout to our man in Israel, for the two newest additions to my list of regular haunts over there on the right, Manolo's Shoe Blog, and Go Fug Yourself.

Only click on those links if you, like me, are super fantastic!

Thank you David. (I'm only a little scared at how on the money you are at knowing how much I'd love these sites.)

I Told You So

As Chuck reported last week, our furnace has been on the fritz. While in Chuck's entry he is more the hero, and he stated the facts as they appeared at that very moment, a key part of the story was left out.

But vindication is mine and I offered him the opportunity to post and entry stating the facts. It has now been two hours and nothing has shown up over there and I have a lull in work and now feel the need to tell what really happened.

Yes, our heater was out. Chuck called me at work to tell me this. And, because my powers stretch far and wide, I guess he figured I was going to be able to do something about it from the office, approximately 17 miles from home. Well, while my powers are super fantastic, alas I could do nothing until I got home from work.

We opened the furnace closet, read the directions, and attempted to restart the pilot. It lit, but only for a second and then sputtered out. The furnace closet, being outside, was absolutely filled with spiders and spider webs. My diagnosis of why furnace doesn't work: spiders in the gas line.

It was I who arranged for the service people to come the next day. I was also the one who knew that the new flux capacitor (or whatever the hell they said it needed) was not a $500 part, but maybe a $100 part, and I told Chuck that if they said that it was the flux capacitor and it was more than $100 don't do it. So we didn't have it done.

We never got around to ordering the part online but I did talk to the guy who does service on my A/C system at the office. He agreed to send someone over today.

Well, the service guy arrives with the new flux capacitor, but in testing the old one, discovers that it is not in fact broken. He then toddled over the the plumbing/heating supply store, buys some stuff and does some things. Alas, the heater is still not working.

Then he disengages one of the lines and blows through it. Do you know what came out of the line? Yup. One bigass spider. Line reconnected. Furnace now working.

So yeah, I said it was spiders. I was scoffed. But I was right. And while it is often better to be kind than right, in this case, not so much. I'm right. And I'll be warm tonight.

Do You Get What You Pay For?

As Chuck reported some time ago, we went for a very long time with free internet service. Then Chuck's morals got the better of him and he signed us up for "new" service.

The thing is, when our service was free it worked like a charm. We'd have occasional outages (typically when it rained) but we'd go down for a minute for so every few months; otherwise it was smooth as silk. OK, maybe not the fastest connection on the block, but certainly adequate.

So now we pay for our service. And when we pay for it we want ripping fast, dependable, service. But Chuck is on the phone to them, at least once a day, because our service is down. Or so slow it may as well be down.

Finally, they sent a technician out last week. The tech did some kind of voodoo dance and whatnot. We were assured things would be better.

Alas not.

Then yesterday, after we went down again, and Chuck called again, tech support told him to go and exchange the modem for another one--a different brand. The tech support guy said we had the Volkswagon of modems and to exchange it for the Ferrari. We went to the cable company (fodder for an entry in and of itself) and they told us they only supply this one type of modem (the VW-type, not the Ferrari) and that the tech support was probably talking about another service provider (??????????.....ummm.....excuse me??????????).

We get home and Chuck plugs in the new modem, talks to tech support, they wave their magic wands, and poof and we're up again.

Until this morning. When we went down again.

So Chuck called again. Apparently there were configuration issues or something. So we're back up. For now.

But we always get back up after the call. It's the fact that he has to call every stinkin day.

At least when it was free it worked.