Diary of a SubUrban Housewife

It's a Crock

I recently purchased a crock pot. It seemed a brilliant plan at the time.

OK, perhaps what tipped the scales in favor of purchasing an appliance I've managed to go 45 years without even ever wanting, was the fact that it was on sale (a measly $14.99), and came in brushed stainless steel. I'm just a slut for stainless steel appliances.

I've got this freakin crock pot that I figure must be good for something, but I haven't quite figured out what yet.

So far I used it exactly one time--to make a pot of split pea soup. And I wasn't all that crazy about it because I used yellow split peas, not the usual green ones I like, so it was different, and I guess I'm not all that good with change.

Since then the crock pot has been put away in the dread cabinet where the appliances go to die. (Think of it like the Island of Misfit Toys to be completely seasonal about it, only for appliances–hand crank pasta machines, immersion blenders, and the like.)

But I think that if I knew what to do in this stupid crock pot it would be great, especially since it's winter time, the season of hearty, slow cooked, yummy things.

Then I had a flash of brilliance today. There must be crock pot recipes on the internets. I mean, the internets have (has?) to be good for something besides reading blogs, playing cribbage, and shopping. No? I mean I've heard it's simply chock full of useful information.

So I Google "crock pot recipes" this evening. This seems a brilliant plan on the face of it, but I've come to find out that most slow cooker recipes have the words either creamy or cheesy or sometimes even both in the title. And call me madcap if you will, but neither creamy nor cheesy, particularly when the creamy really means a can of cream of something soup, really appeals to me all that much.

I promise you all, that none of the things mentioned here were destined for the crock pot.

But I am stalwart, and will find something I can do with it. Maybe I’ll take up batik. I hear it’s coming back into fashion.

The Igjay is Upay

There are times in life when adults need to have a discussion and it needs to be kept from the children, but for whatever reason the children are present.

To illustrate my point, say you're in the car with the whole family. Mom and dad want to discuss the possibilty of letting their spawn go on the Love Ride with dad, but they don't want little Pinky in the back seat to know what they're talking about.

Growing up for me it meant hearing my mother speak Yiddish. When she and my grandmother would talk, particiularly in the car, when they didn't want us to understand, they would switch to Yiddish. They would jabber back and forth. It eventually got to where I could pick out words here and there and get the gist of their discussion, but I was never actually taught to speak it.

And to digress for a moment here, does anyone actually speak Yiddish anymore, I mean besides my mother and her friends down in Florida? And does anyone actually get taught Yiddish, or is it something you just either know or don't know?

Anyway, I always wished my husband spoke either French or Spanish, or at least had a rudimentary understanding of either so that I could communicate the secret adult messages that must be kept from the small person. Alas, this is not so.

But the hub is positively fluent in Pig Latin. So when we need to have those top secret mom and dad discussions and the spawn is present we use it. Chuck is much quicker at it than I am, but I manage.

It seems lately Miss Spawn has been picking out words here and there in our discussions. Frankly, it's gotten to the point where it's no longer safe to speak in Pig Latin around her. It made me wonder if the princess has a facility for foreign languages.

Now, I'll give you that learning Pig Latin is not exactly like learning to speak....ummm.....Latin, but unless someome explains to you how it works, it's pretty much....ummm....Latin.

Well, today I was cleaning out Zoe's backpack, and discovered this:

Ustedbay.

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

I found out on Wednesday afternoon that I was passed over for a promotion that a) I really, really, really, really wanted, and b) I really, really, really, really deserved.

So I've been home ever since. You know, it's really hard to go into the office when you're feeling totally humiliated, undervalued, unemployable, and not appreciated. So yeah, I've been home.

I put yesterday to good use, between pity parties, Chuck and I made a major dent in the holiday shopping. Also, we put up our tree, and I did some minor holiday decorating. I was feeling better until about 11:30 last night and decided I couldn't possibly face the office today. So I called in sick.

I started the morning with a major pity party. Then at about 8:30 this morning, the always super fantastic GraceDavis phoned. She hoped to catch me on my commute, which normally she would have. I told her I was boycotting the office and gave her a longer, but still abbreviate, version of my recent horror.

I mentioned to her that I still need to work on my resume. We both agreed that it's really hard to do when the only thing you want to put in the "Objective" is GET A NEW FUCKING JOB.

But shoutouts abound for GraceDavis because after I got off the phone with her I felt much better and starting looking for a new job.

I spent a big chunk of the morning at monster.com. They have a resume builder so I started at the beginning and filled in the little blanks. Of course I got stuck when I got to "Objective". I pondered that for a long while, and knowing myself as I do, and knowing that getting stuck there would be enough to derail this, I put "Get a new job" in the little box and moved forward. I can go back and change that when I have the inspiration/creative juices to put something brilliant there. At least I've gotten a start.

My goal is to have a new resume finished by the end of the weekend and start sending it out next week.

I saw some interesting prospects at monster, not to mention the fact that last time I considered moving on employment-wise, nearly every one of the business contacts I mentioned it to asked me for my resume.

So, that's what's new here. Aren't you glad you checked in?

I, Inc.

I talked to my career guru Mitchell today. He gives me pep talks and has more contacts than anyone I've ever met. He knows absolutely everyone.

Mitchell shared something with me today that I will, in turn, share with you. Most of us work for someone. We (if you're like me) put most of yourself into your job/career. But how much do you give to yourself? If you're like me, not a lot. But you are your most important asset. You need to put time into yourself. Every day. Put time into achieving your goals--be they personal or professional.

In my case right now, the very core of my being is focused on getting a new job and possibly doing a bit of a career shift. Finding my Bliss.

The thing about putting time into yourself is how surpisingly good it makes you feel.

Mitchell told me all of this today, but on Saturday when I finsihed my resume I was recharged--for the first time in weeks. On Sunday when I sent it out to a company I'm very interested in working for I was practically vibrating with excitement. (And I mean that in the cleanest way humanly possible.

So as of today, my main employer is Me. I, Inc.

And as if Mitchell's pep talk wasn't enough to galvanize me into action, this was today's horoscope:

Take charge of the situation and steer it toward a final commitment. Your willpower is unmatched right now and any decisions finalized today will be strong.

The signs couldn't be pointing any more in the right direction.

Because GraceDavis Made Me Do It

I received this e-mail from the lovely GraceDavis:

"BTW, your chit-chatty email is a post to the Diary. Cut, paste, done. Have no shame. Save yourself time. Do ths ASAP because all of us on the World Wide Web have to be assured that the Bethra will rise above the ASSHATS."

And because she told me to, I will cut and paste the e-mail I sent to her, which is my way of updating you all on what's going on with me:

"So, just wanted to share with you that I am making progress in the
search for new employment.

Last night I stepped out of my little comfort zone and attended the
AIA Christmas party. It was a little cocktail soiree for all the
mover and shaker architects in L.A. It took place a few minutes walk
from my office in a totally cool space.

My career guru Mitchell called and invited me to go and I didn't
really want to because I'm not all that comfortable networking and
pitching myself....yeah, I know....totally stupid, because if I'm not
going to pimp me, no one else can.

Anyway, I dutifully schmoozed and passed out cards and put the word
out that I'm looking for project management/construction management
work and several people asked me for my resume. Yeah!!!!!!

One of my dear friends who is an architect at the hottest firm in town
was there. She knows all the players in my ongoing drama and that I
was interviewing for the position. When I told her what happened she
was horrified.

At her request I'm going to send her my resume tonight and she's going
to pass it along. She told me that tons of people are looking for
project managers right now and she's happy to recommend me.

Also ran into a woman I met several years ago. We met with her and
her boss (who I also ran into last night) to possibly do some work for
us. She said she totally remembered me and that she remembered being
impressed with me at the time: I made a real impression on her and
that she wanted to hold mirrors under the noses of everyone else in
the room (my co-workers, mwahahahaha).

When I left the cocktail party a couple of hours later with extremely
sore feet I was on cloud nine and felt completely validated and
recharged in my quest for new work! Yeah!!!!!

Goal: new job by the end of January. OK, it's a little lofty, but
probably doable.

So, was going to tell you all that on the phone because typing it
makes it a little convoluted, but you get the idea.

xxb"

There you have it.

Mergers and Acquisitions

CHRISTMAS AND HANUKKAH ANNOUNCE MERGER

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1,300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having 12 days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.

As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreidel will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least 300 years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Hanukkah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."

It's in the Stars

So yeah I'm looking for a job. We all know that. Alexa is sure they'll all start calling right after the first of the year. I'm holding her to that, in case you're wondering.

So going to the office every day is a mixed bag for me. The animosity between me and my boss is palpable, but you'd be so proud of me as I have been gracious and professional, and anxiously await the day I can give my notice.

As part of parcel of the whole let's fuck with Beth M.O. that my boss has adopted, he's asked me to move my office so that the person who got the other promotion that was offered at the same time the one I didn't get was offered, can move into my office. He wants this person right next to him so he can be "coached".

Frankly, though I love my current office, I'm happy to move. I designed the space so I know that every office is beautiful (not to mention virtually identical), so I don't mind going to another one. And I'd be just as happy to move to far away from him, even to another floor, but I can't be that lucky.

So I'm going to move my office on Monday. Instead of a view of the Hollywood sign, I will now have a view of the new Walt Disney Concert Hall that was designed by Frank Gehry. IMHO, I think I'm trading up because: a) my office is no longer next to asshole boss, and b) I was getting tired of my old view.

Anyway, despite Alexa's assurances, and the assurances of those around me that are helping me, I still worry. When you've been at a job for 14 years, as I have with this one, you worry about your employablity elsewhere. Will my skills translate elsewhere? Will anyone else want me? It boils down to self-esteem issues.

Well, shortly after the "I'd like you to move on Monday" discussion, I checked my work horoscope for the day:

Buddha may not have had the modern workplace in mind when he suggested giving up our attachments, but right now that's the best advice for your current situation. You'll free yourself for new opportunities coming soon.

Happy New Year

To all of you.

May you all enjoy a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2005.