Diary of a SubUrban Housewife

Return to Sender

It seems there are two kinds of people in the world: those who will return things and those that will not. OK, maybe there are three, the third being the kind that will return things sometimes, but only the most obviously simple things one can return.

I am a person who will return things. All kinds of things.

I recently bought an ever so cute pair of brown suede pumps at Ann Taylor. They were the perfect shoe. I was so excited with the find of the shoes, I had to immediately purchase an entire new outfit to go with them. I was ready for supreme cuteness at work the next day: new outfit, and faboo new shoes.

And I was fabulous. Until about 2:30 in the afternoon, when the shoes were hurting so badly I was alternately wincing and cursing with each and every step I had to take. The signs had, of course, started earlier in the day, but I pressed on. Until 2:30 when I was two steps past miserable. So miserable in fact, that I put on the emergency black pumps I keep at my desk and wore them for the rest of the afternoon. With the supremely cute outfit put together around the brown suede shoes. The Manolo will tell you, I had to have been one miserable puppy with some majorly barking dogs to have committed that fashion faux pas.

At about 5:15 I tried the shoes again. Oh.My.God. It was horrible. I wanted to die.

So I picked up the phone and called Ann Taylor. I explained that I had purchased the shoes the day before...the seemingly perfect shoes. I explained that these shoes could be used to torture prisoners of war, were it not against the Geneva Convention. The lovely saleswoman told me to bring them back (what I was angling for with the phone call in the first place). I reminded her that I had worn these instruments of pain for most of the day. No problem she assured me.

I then immediately went online to Zappos, found a more than suitable replacement, and we heard angel music. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I returned the shoes the very next day. For full credit to my charge card.

Well, just last Saturday, a similar thing happened to a friend of mine. She bought a divinely adorable pair of black wedge sandals with a lovely Roman ankle strap at the Stephane Kilian store in Beverly Hills.

She wore the shoes for a couple of hours on Saturday, but alas, they were so painful that she had to go home and change her shoes.

My friend was beside herself. The shoes were expensive and she could not wear them. What was she to do?

She shared her dilemma with me on Monday morning. I told her to return them. She knew of my situation with the shoes from Ann Taylor. But she said this was different. She bought the shoes from a little boutique. They would never take them back.

I assured her they would.

"No, no, no" she said.

I offered to phone the shop, explain the situation and confirm that the shoes could be returned.

"No, no, no" she said.

OK

She decided to take the shoes to the shoemaker next door and see if he could do something with the soles. From the soles you could (obviously) tell that the shoes had been worn, but just barely. She was going to see if the shoemaker could do something to spiff them up and then she'd think about returning them.

I assured her this was not necessary but she did anyway.

I'll just point out now that you cannot make a silk purse of out a sow's ear and the shoes were not really improved by the dear cobbler.

After two days of fretting, she finally agreed to let me call the store.

Well....we all know where this is going. Yes. I spoke with the manager. Of course the shoes could be returned. Please bring them back at your earliest convenience.

Ha.

Turns out, they had sold her the wrong sized shoes. Stepane Kilian shoes are sized in French. The box had said 8 1/2 for the size. The shoes, however, said 9--the size my friend wears.

It seems that somehow, she'd been sold a very expensive pair of cute shoes in the wrong size. Because that 9 was, in fact a 6 (French size)--and 8 1/2 (American size).

They did not have any more of the cute sandals in her size, but she got a different pair of equally cute shoes. This time in her size.

And then she heard angel music.

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Posted by beth at March 20, 2005 12:05 AM