My husband has a love/hate relationship with home repair. He's chronicled it numerous times. You can feel free to search over there. I've come up with nothing but I know he's written about it. OK, maybe he wrote about it in his old journal, but the search engine doesn't seem to be working so just go read through all his old archives and you'll find it.
Anyway, home repairs for Chuck typically involve approximately eight trips to the hardware store, much yelling of the ever endearing phrase, "fuckingpieceofshit" and other demonstrations of easy success and the enduring love for humankind that my husband freely emits.
So we can all just imagine his pleasure when two projects unwittingly fell to him today.
Project #1: I noticed that the spigot for the hose at my veggie garden is leaking. It won't turn all the way off which is a) enormously wasteful of water and $$$$, and b) not good for my veggies. Plus, this leaky spigot caused a rupture in the new hose that I put out there just yesterday. So this morning I planned to head over to the hardware store for a new spigot.
As I was heading out the door to get a replacement spigot Chuck asked me if I could pick up a new spigot.
Great minds thinking alike--I just love that.
I proceeded to show him the DIY page I had just printed out with instructions and said that was exactly what I was off to purchase.
So I get to the hardware store and head over to the hose parts aisle. Seems to me that a spigot would be in that general area because I've seen those things you put on the spigot to make it branch to two spigots, and other sort of hose/spigot/outside related stuff.
I found someone to help me. While he was not nearly as helpful as a previous experience I had, he was kind enough to inform me that what I wanted was a hose bib, and not a spigot; and he proceeded to show me to the hose bibs.
Well, since nothing is actually easy, it seems that there are two types of hose bibs--ones that require a coupler, and ones that fit directly onto the pipe. I was fairly certain I didn't need the kind with the coupler, so we proceeded. Then it turns out that they are either 1/2" or 3/4". I was not sure which size I needed so I took one of each, grabbed a pipe wrench and came back home.
When I returned with my booty Chuck took the parts and went out to repair the hose bib. Now, I was going to do it. I'm sure I'm fully capable of having done so, I mean, basically it's turning off the water, screwing the old one off, cleaning it up a bit, putting on some Teflon tape, and screwing a new one on.
But you know how much easier it is when you don't have to actually do it yourself. When someone volunteers to do it for you. And volunteers graciously.
Yes, you hear a small chorus of angel music. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Well, angel music is great and all but Chuck was doing it. And nothing really goes that smoothly usually (though I continue to have faith that it will).
Well, today was the day when it all worked out. Because not five minutes after Chuck left to start said repair, he returned into the house having completed said repair. And not one single fuckingpieceofshit was uttered.
Cue the Mormon Tabernacle Choir of angel music. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
(Oh, and it turns out I was on the money about not needing the whole coupler thingy.)
Project #2. Several hours later I remembered that I meant to pick up a replacement towel rack for the guest bedroom. Zoe liked to hang from the old one, so not surprisingly, it fell off the wall.
Chuck's dad is coming tomorrow to stay and I thought it might be nice for him to be able to actually hang his towel up.
(Of course, why I didn't remember this and pick it up this morning is another story.)
So back to the hardware store I went. I returned the extra hose bib from earlier and picked up a lovely towel rack. Again, I was all set to install it when Chuck offered.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Well, about 25 minutes or so after he started a new towel rack graces our lovely guest bathroom. Not one cuss word or ill vibe issued.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Hmmmm...he's having so much success I wonder if it's time for me to ask him to build me that addition I've been wanting.
(Oh, and since this entry is all about him, no doubt it is considered the "perfect entry".)
Posted by beth at May 15, 2005 07:28 PMMy, what a fine entry that was, Beth. One of your best.
And for the record, there was one "fuckingpieceofshit" that cropped up when I couldn't turn the water main back on because my hand was wet and I had to go inside for a paper towel to dry it off. "Fuckingpieceofshit" is multipurpose, you see.
Posted by: Chuck at May 15, 2005 08:02 PM