May 28, 2005

The Talk

The time to have "The Talk" with my daughter is quickly approaching. You know which talk I mean. Yes, the talk that mothers have had with daughters for generations.

My daughter is only nine, but kids develop younger and faster than generations before. And Zoe is in a class with girls one to two years older than she is, so many have started developing (egad!) and their mother's have had the talk with them. And we all know how really really bad it would be for my daughter to get her information second-hand from a bunch of 10 and 11 year old girls. Lord knows what kind of damage that could do to her poor little psyche.

Times have changed and I guess that it'll probably be easier for me to have this discussion with my daughter than it was for my mother with me, and certainly her mother with her, but I'm scared to death. It's a really big step and not one I could, or would for that matter, delegate to Chuck. (Let's step back and think about that one for a minute. I know my husband is reading this and sticking his fingers in his ears and going lalalala to block out the noise.)

In anticipation of having the talk we had the pre-talk. The talk that says I think it's time we had the talk but not the actual talk itself. Zoe clearly knew exactly which talk I was referring to because she told me she was too tired just then (it was bed time), and couldn't we do it another time. It was painfully clear that she is as anxious about getting the talk as I am in giving it.

That was Thursday night. Nothing more has been said on the subject.

So Zoe had a friend over today to play. As I was walking through the backyard toward my veggie garden I hear her friend going on, in a tres dramatic way, to about something or another to Zoe. I teased the friend and told her she was being a drama queen, but then she told me she'd been having nightmares for days. Come to learn, her mother had just had the talk with her.

While I was in my garden I listened to Zoe and her friend talking. Zoe was saying that her other friends Zoe and Lily had already had the talk with their mothers and they had assured my Zoe that she wouldn't have hear it until next year. And now Zoe was lamenting that it wasn't going to be next year, but in a few weeks.

The thing is, since Zoe is a year or two younger than all her friends I worry that she's behind them in some respects. And while on one hand I think she is horrified at the prospect of getting the talk I think she's also secretly delighted that she's right on schedule with the other, older, girls.

Posted by beth at May 28, 2005 06:26 PM
Comments

Having "The Talk" with Zoe will be completely unneccessary as I have forbidden her to enter puberty. And that's the last I ever want to hear about it.

Posted by: Chuck at May 28, 2005 07:18 PM

Zahava is in charge of 'the talk' with Ariella. But I will most certainly be having the 'follow up talk' with her about the true nature of boys... and I would suggest you delegate that task to Chuck as well.

Here are some of my 'talking points' for the follow-up talk:

1. Boys want only 'one thing'. It is all they think about when they see you.

2. Boys will say and do anything to get 'that one thing'.

3. There is a staircase of things that are part and parcel of 'that one thing' in every boys mind. Boys will lie to each other about how far they have climbed your stairs... all the while trying to tell you that as long as they are part way up they might as well climb the rest of the way.

4. Even 'nice boys' want 'that one thing' and will often be so nice to you that you will want to make a gift of 'that one thing' just to reward them for being so, well, nice.

5. Bad boys will make you feel like you owe them them 'that one thing'.

6. Once boys have gotten 'that one thing'... even boys that genuinely love you... everything changes. When you're older that can be a very good thing... but until then, not so much.

7. The way you and your girl friends feel about things like 'relationships', 'love', 'companionship', 'romance', and all that other stuff you read in those teen magazines... that's the way boys feel about getting 'that one thing' (without any idea of how it might relate to all those things that are so important to you and your friends).

8. Some boys start to be capable of more complex thoughts and motives by the time they hit high school... and others don't reach that level of complexity until college. It is worth noting that some boys never do. You will only be able to tell who is who by the manner in which a boy comes to terms with the realization that he probably will never get that 'one thing' from you, and actually ends up getting to know you.

9. You probably think that when I've been saying 'that one thing' that I've been talking about 'sex'.... and from a boys perspective you'd be right. However, from *your* perspective you can substitute 'trust', 'intimacy', 'self-esteem', 'power', 'submission', 'compromise', 'passion', 'respect' and a few dozen other conflicting puzzle pieces that you will only find a fit for with a few (or perhaps only one) rare individuals.

Posted by: David at May 29, 2005 05:10 AM

David, I appreciate the advice, but fortunately I will never need it. In addition to be banned from puberty, Zoe will also never be allowed to even speak to a boy if she breaks the no-puberty rule.

Posted by: Chuck at May 29, 2005 12:58 PM

I don't have kids, but I used to be one.

When my mom had The Talk with me, it was in the car, just the two of us, cruising around. Much less awkward than it could have been.

My friends were jealous of me. I had a lot more information than they did, it was more accurate, I wasn't embarrassed to ask questions, and I got a milkshake afterward.

Posted by: golfwidow at May 30, 2005 05:16 AM