The phone system here in Centralia is driving me out of my ever-lovin’ mind. Every call to the station — no matter the number or extension — rings a central… um, ringer-thing, and it’s driving me bananas. Why? Because it’s not a normal ring. This one goes bzzzzzzzzt-DING! bzzzzzzzzt-DING!

It’s the DING! part that’s getting to me. Like it’s so proud of itself for bzzzzzzzzt-ing. Get over yourself already, you’re a telephone. Shut up.