Bush’s White House has finally done something I agree with: they’re replacing Attorney General John Ashcroft, who announced his resignation today.

It’s about friggin’ time.

An excerpt from his resignation letter: “The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved.” In other words, Mission Accomplished. The mind boggles.

Ashcroft has been at or near the top of the list of things I don’t like about the Bush administration almost from Day One. I’m sure I won’t like his replacement — he will be appointed by W, after all — but I really don’t think they can come up with a worse candidate than Ashcroft was. He’s been the worst, most ethically corrupt AG we’ve had since John Mitchell under Nixon. Things can only get better without him. Our civil liberties are safer already.

You can tally this entry as an endorsement of a Bush White House action. It’s about as much of an attaboy as they’ll ever get out of me.

Here’s a little something for my former co-workers — it’s a cartoon from the New Yorker:

And hey, how about that cool little Love Ride fundraiser? We’re up to $221 now with six days to go!

Backstory: Zoe had a little mid-playground collision with another kid at school the other day and now she’s sporting a nice purple goose-egg right smack in the middle of her forehead.

Real story: Zoe and I are at the supermarket…

Wait. Sidestory: At the supermarket, Zoe asks if she can buy a giant Hershey’s bar. No way, I said, you’ve got about 10 pounds of Halloween candy at home! And she gets a little sheepish and tells me that it’s not for her, it’s for “someone else” and she’s embarrassed to tell me who. My tingly Daddy senses scream “BOY!!!!” And later, when she’s having me help her pick out a greeting card to go with it, I am proven right: it’s for her “new friend,” a boy in the 5th grade. There are so many thing wrong with this turn of events, not the least of which are that 1) It’s a BOY!!!!!, 2) it’s for an OLDER BOY!!!, 3) she’s giving him chocolate, 4) she has me picking out a card for him, and 5) I’m paying for it all. This is so Not Good I can’t even tell you.

Anyway. Back to Real Story: Zoe and I are in the checkout line and I notice how dirty her face is and say something to her about it, that she’s filthy and we need to throw her in the shower when we get home for her weekly hose-down. And I noticed the woman in front of us sort of half-cocking her head to eavesdrop on us, and then she snuck a surreptitious glance at Zoe, followed by a disapproving scowl to herself at just how filthy Zoe was.

So then I said even louder: “And, wow, look how big and purple the lump on your forehead is. Does it still hurt? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hit you so hard, Peanut. Daddy gets mad sometimes but you know he doesn’t mean it.”

I thought the snoopy ol’ biddy was gonna stroke out right in front of me. Ha.

And hey, look at the pretty Love Ride icon. Lots of people have donated and there’s a growing list of folks who plan to with their next paycheck. Don’t be left out!

I know the link works because I just tested it.

You just click on the little Love Ride 21 icon and it’ll take you to my Love Ride donation page, where you too can be one of the Kool Kids sponsoring me in the Love Ride on November 14. I have $136 now and I’m shooting for $500. Just kick in $20, $10, even $5 and I’ll put your name in the honor roll and you’ll get to help some charities that need your support.

Clickety-click.

I’m pretty down about the results of the election yesterday, but I’ve decided the Lunchroom here isn’t going to become the bitter-angry-disenfranchised-liberal-guy blog and I’m not going to continue to rant and rave against the administration the way I did leading up to the election. I think there’s better things I can do offline to effect change than to bluster here in what is basically preaching to the choir. So I’m closing the lid on the festering corpse of Election ’04 and moving on and I won’t mention it again. (Probably. Maybe.)

But as Beth pointed out to me recently, I do like having the last word. So here’s my last word on the subject — and the words aren’t even mine, they’re something I clipped off Usenet. But, boy, do they capture my thoughts well:

The American people have spoken, this November 2nd, and here’s what they had to say:

1. We hate fags.
2. We don’t care who bombed us, as long as we have an excuse to kick some
foreign ass.
3. We don’t care how many people have to die kicking that ass, as long as rich
corporations get fat rebuilding contracts to make them richer.
4. We don’t care about our civil rights. When Patrick Henry said “Give me
Liberty or Give me Death, he had it all ass-backwards.
5. We want people who aren’t rich enough to afford top of the line health
care to suffer and die, no matter how hard they work.
6. We want to force those people to have babies who will also suffer and die.
7. We hate muslims.
8. We hate intellectuals.
9. We hate lawyers, especially ones who defend the poor or the weak.
10. We believe anyone who is not a Christian is going to Hell.
11. We believe that cannot happen soon enough.
12. We believe our leader rules by Divine Right and is answerable to no one
but God.
13. We hate women, unless they are barefoot and pregnant and follow their man’s orders like a dutiful wife.
14. We believe you can go to war on, and physically kill, ideas.
15. We believe even when our leaders lie to us, and even when they do it
because it is in their interest and not ours to do so, that it is some kind of
“accident” and not a mistake or deception.
16. We believe that even when our leaders lie to us, we should pretend what
they are saying is true.
17. We believe the rich should get richer, the poor should stay poor, and
everyone in between should pick a side.
18. We believe that this is a Christian nation. If you want to believe
something else, we’ll humor you, but you should know that the truth is that
there is one true Christian God running the show.
19. We believe things are going great, despite all evidence to the contrary.
20. We will continue to believe this to the bitter end.

Now go donate some money to the Love Ride. Because, you know, they hate charity of any kind, so this is one more way to be the better person.

Pink Floyd was right when they sang Money, it�s a hit, but I’m going to disagree with the next line Don�t give me that do goody good bullshit because that’s exactly what I want — DO give me that do goody good bullshit.

The goody good bullshit is the Love Ride and I want you to sponsor me in it. Twenty bucks, ten, five even, just kick down with something. Click the Love Ride 21 icon and help me raise money for some worthy charities.

I’m shooting for $500, I have $136 so far, and I only have eleven more days to do it. Help out, will you? Pretty please?

This election fiasco has put me in a pretty pissy mood. But my former coworker and close personal friend Diana forwarded me an email from inside my old job that put a smile on my face:

From: Supervisor – Technical Operations Group
Sent: Tuesday, November 02, 2004 10:04 AM
To: LAN Mail All
Subject: Company equipment
Importance: High

Thank you

I guess they finally looked at my old laptop:

It’s nice to know that I’m gone but not forgotten. :)

Great. Four more years of this chimp. Nicely done, America.

I am disgusted with 51% of the American public. They have rewarded mediocrity, approved running the biggest deficit we’ve ever seen, want to be spied on and have their Constitutional rights suspended and/or violated, approve of preemptive wars against countries that have not attacked us, want Iran and N. Korea to have nuclear weapons, don’t want the “war on terror” to actually fight terrorists or employ meaningful safeguards at home, blah blah blah blah blah.

I think it was Will Rogers who once said “People generally get the kind of government they deserve.” Well, welcome to it.

Six states are busily approving initiatives and amendments to their constitution banning gay marriage today. This makes me sad.

I used to be opposed to gay marriage until I sat down and examined my own feelings about it and realized that my opposition was rooted in emotional and moral judgements fostered by my Catholic upbringing. I supported the idea of extending the same benefits married couples enjoy — insurance, property rights, etc — but I didn’t like the idea of Adam marrying Steve.

Then one day I set my feelings aside and looked at it without judgement and realized that I couldn’t think of a single rational reason why I should care one way or another how two people who love each other express that love. It’s between them and doesn’t affect me at all. In fact, it’s none of my business. So I changed my mind. And now that I’m an ordained minister, I wouldn’t think twice about presiding over their wedding if they asked me to. In fact, I’d be honored.

The whole argument and mindset against gay marriage is, I think, based on “icky-poo”. It’s knee-jerk prejudice, being uncomfortable with the thought of men kissing men (and more — eek!), it’s hating them for being different. In my mind, it’s exactly the same prejudice that made blacks second class citizens before the civil rights movement. That was wrong and so is this.

Calling this opposition “defense of marriage” is asinine. Hell, if marriage as an institution needs saving, it’s from the friggin’ straights. Can gays do any more to hurt the institution of marriage than straights are with their current 50% divorce rate or Britney Spears is with her revolving door to the annulment? If anything, I think maybe gays could teach us a thing or two.

And how does Adam and Steve exchanging vows weaken my marriage? Is Beth going to serve me with divorce papers when they say “I do”? How does it threaten the institution? Will marriage be completely gone by the time Zoe is old enough for it? Will we turn into a nation of singles bars? Please, spare me.

It’s prejudice, plain and simple. Why not let them marry? Why not let them share the same legal benefits Adam and Eve do? Your church can keep right on being narrow-minded and refusing to perform the ceremony for them — nobody’s trying to change that, but why not let the Elvis impersonator in Vegas marry them, or a justice of the peace? Or me?

They love each other and want to pledge their lives to one another. How can that be bad?

It’s still too close to call all over the damned place and it’s starting to smell like a repeat of 2000, but I have to say this:

I just saw a report on CNN of voting in Philadelphia that showed lines of people snaking out into and around the parking lot in the dark and in the cold. It makes me proud as hell to see people stepping up like this. This is how voting should be every time there’s an election.