The Year In Preview
So, here we are in 2005, with 2004 receding in the rear-view mirror. Woo.
I’m having a hard time getting any traction here for the new year. I think you can’t help but evaluate yourself and your position in life at the start of a new year, and my evaluation has me in a bit of a funk. 2004 wasn’t exactly my year and it’s hard now to get up for 2005.
I remember this time last year, thinking that “this is going to be my year” and feeling very optimistic about it. Now, not so much. 2004 was just another year, really no better or worse than the last. I just kept my head down and went through it and it sort of slid by. No low points, really, but also no real high points. It was just another year, certainly not the “My year” I held out hope for. And thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure I had the same thought on 1/1/03 … and 1/1/02 … and maybe even 1/1/01. I think we want to be hopeful as we start a new year and anticipate great things — but I think more dreams are dreamt than are lived.
I’m 43 now, I’m at the age where I should be “what I want to be when I grow up” — and I’m not. Not even close. I’ve had the Hollywood agent and it got me nowhere. I have multiple industry contacts and they’re getting me nowhere. I’m over the hill as a sitcom writer and can’t make any headway as a movie writer. I’m grown up and I’m not living my dream. Instead, I’m currently unemployed and can’t even find a new gig as a software trainer — which was never my dream or my passion in the first place, just the most lucrative paycheck I can swing.
So I’m kind of down now. I’m not terribly excited or hopeful for 2005. It’ll pass, I’m sure, I’ll climb out of it and keep my head down and get through the year again, but I just can’t get into it this time. I hope this year will be a good one but I suspect it’ll just be 365 days of more of the same.
I’m tired of more of the same. I’d like to have a great year for a change, a life-changing year, one that I’ll look back on and say “that’s where things turned around for me.”
Universe, Fate, whatever you call yourself, I’m looking at you. It’s time to step up. I think I’m due, motherfucker.
Take a number, there’s others in line first! ;-)
Seriously Chuck, i know how you feel but it will get better. Remember how you felt before the trainer gig came along? You hated life a lot worse then.
Just look at the postive things around you. Zoe, Beth, own house, etc. It could be worse. Shit, you could have blown your last paycheck on a surprise trip for the three of you to the Maldives over Xmas…
Way to kiss up to Fate there at the end. Fate really loves that kinda stuff! I was pretty doubtful about your chances until then… but I’d say that probably clinched it for ya! :-)
Seriously, Tim makes a good point (no, not about being pretty far back in the line). You may or may not look back at this year as the year things ‘turned around’ for you. It all depends on the benchmarks you’re using.
Don’t get all caught up in other people’s expectations. If someone told you how to have a relationship with your daughter you’d tell them to f*ck off. And you’d be right to do so.
Men are conditioned from birth to grow up and be a _____________ (fill in the blank). Somehow we allowed ourselves to be tricked into thinking that being a good husband and father was sort of besides the point… that what really matters is the title on your business card.
You’re a smart guy and will always be able to make a buck (probably a bunch of them if you haven’t pissed Fate off too badly), but Beth, Zoe, the whole family thing… that’s winning lotto… that’s lifestyles of the rich and famous, to my way of thinking… and to those who are smart enough to recognize it.
Happy New Year. May you be just as successful this year as you were last year… in all the things that really count.
Have you thought about Underwater Arc Welding as a career? I mean, imagine a job that combines diving with fire…you like both of those things, right?
Or maybe you can write up a script for the new CSI franchise…CSI: Van Nuys. Starring Wilford Brimley, Bonnie Hunt as the most unlikely of partners.
I gotta agree with David, Chuck. You’ve got a cool family and, corny as this sounds, that’s worth more than just about anything.
Except maybe jewel encrusted Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head ( http://www.latimes.com/features/lifestyle/cl-et-gifts21dec21,0,4626827.story?coll=la-home-style ). Because that’s just fabulous.
I do hope that 2005 brings you all you wish. A very happy one to you and Beth and Zoe.
Come on over! I have an award for you! Whee!
I hear you Chuck. I almost got what I wanted too. I was writing for Disney, and –almost– got a job writing for TV. Then *poof* …
Now I’m manage an IT Outsourcing gig. Woohoo.
But hey … at least I’m not a hostage in a damp basement, whose leg is in a splint being gnawed on by a rat, y’know?