The Ride Report

In the addiction and recovery community, it is said that the first step towards recovery is admitting that you have a problem. The following quiz, ganked from Brain Bucket Magazine by way of Atlas Rider, is supposed to help figure out if you have a problem with MAS — Motorcycling Addiction Syndrome. Come, take the quiz with me:

• I have gone riding when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
  • Yep, been there, done that.
• I have gone on riding binges of several tanks of gas or more in a day.
  • Yep. I burned many tanks of gas during my Colorado trip, and I’ve been known to fill up several times in a day when I’m out riding with friends locally.
• I ride rapidly, often ‘gulping’ roads.
  • My normal cruising speed is 85. Does “rapidly” apply?
• I have sometimes ridden early in the morning or before work.
  • How about riding early in the morning to work? Guilty.
• I have hidden bikes in different places to sneak a ride in without being seen.
  • Almost, but not quite. I was thisclose to buying a bike when I was
    a teenager living at home, and I planned to keep it at a friend’s house
    to hide it from my mom. Unfortunately, the guy sold it to someone else
    before I could raise the money.
• Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to ride motorcycles.
  • Hmm… What are the odds my wife will read this entry? Ah, fuck it.
    Yes, guilty, I have ducked out on family obligations to go riding with
    friends.
• Sometimes I find myself analyzing sections of roads as if I were riding, even while in cars.
  • Constantly.
• I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a bike nearby.
  • Occasionally. I fit in better with other bikers, so I’m always a little uncomfortable around those who don’t ride.
• At a boring party, I will often slip off unnoticed to go riding.
  • I don’t go to boring parties.
• Riding has made me seek haunts and companions which I would otherwise avoid.
  • Definitely true. I wouldn’t go half the places or have most of the friends I have today if motorcycles weren’t involved.
• I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I have finished a ride.
  • Guilty on both counts.
• I have spent money meant for necessities on accessories instead.
  • Accessories are necessities.
• I have attempted to complete an Iron Butt ride.
  • Not yet, but I have plans, big plans.
• Most of my friends are unapologetic motorcycle riders.
  • True.
• I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy riding.
  • Never done that, but I have gotten “the nods” while riding.
• I have suffered ‘blackouts’ or memory loss from a bout of riding.
  • See above.
• I have wept, become angry or irrational because of a road I have ridden; or, worse, NOT ridden.
  • Yes, but more with my performance riding a road than with the road itself.
• I have sometimes wished I did not ride so much.
  • Uh, no.
• Sometimes I think my riding is out of control.
  • It has been in the past, but lately I’ve managed to keep the shiny up and the rubber down like you’re supposed to.

Brain Bucket’s article closes saying, If you
answered ‘yes’ to three or more of these questions, you may be a
motorcycle addict. Affirmative responses to five or more indicates a
serious problem…professional help is strongly advised. Eh, I don’t think so. I think I’d be concerned if I didn’t answer Yes to most of these…

I may be a motorcycle addict, but I don’t see that as a problem. It’s more of a virtue, actually.