The Ride Report

I received a package in the mail today that really annoyed the piss out of me. It was some parts I bought from a RUB with a new Harley who was obviously “customizing” his new garage queen with what I assume was standard H-D over-the-counter bling. He had put up a post on an internet message board listing the parts he was selling:

* Mirrors (2)
* Floorboards
* Brake lever and pad
* Brake Light
* License plate bracket
* Shift linkage
* Handlebar levers (2)
* Shift levers and pegs
* Speakers (2)
* Air cleaner assembly
* Rear turn signal lens (2)

An obvious new-bike bling job, yes? Someone with too much time and money on his hands bought a new bike, walked over to the accessory counter and picked out a bunch of crap with skulls or eagles on it, then paid even more to have the Service Department put it all on for him. Then he put all the take-offs up for sale.

Well, there’s nothing wrong with that, I guess. Me personally, I would have installed it all myself, but then I don’t have too much time and money on my hands. But more power to him for being able to do that, and more power to me for being able to get brand new parts on the cheap.

You see, I’ve been looking for a new pair of floorboards for awhile now. The ones I have now are ground down to just about nothing from scraping in the turns, especially the right-hand one. That one has been ground all the way through to the rubber pad your foot sits on (the “insert,” as we’ll learn in a moment), and my calf rests right against that razor-sharp edge when I put my foot down. Care is in order there. Care, and new floorboards if I can get ‘em. Which made me notice this clown’s ad.

Long story short, I sent him a check for his floorboards and a couple days later a box shows up on my front step. Inside are my like-new take-offs from his Harley. Only… they’re not floorboards. They’re floorboard inserts — the rubber inset that you put your foot on. What an idiot.

On the one hand I blame myself. It was obvious that he was doing the new Harley Chrome Consultant dance, so I should have known he meant the inserts rather than the floorboard pans themselves. Riders like this guy don’t replace the pans — Harley doesn’t make shinier ones for him to buy. On the other hand I blame him, because how fucking hard is it to call a part by its actual name? What he did is like selling shoelaces and calling them shoes. I mean, for fuck’s sake, he obviously bought floorboard inserts to replace the crap he sent me and it says right there on the box “Floorboard Inserts.” How hard is it to copy that?

I don’t know why this got under my skin so badly, but it did. I guess I can’t expect him to know the difference — this is the kind of guy who slaps down a credit card and has the Service Department do everything for him. He’s the epitome of a RUB. But come on dude, get it right!

Now I have to argue with him over who’s going to pay to ship it back, I have to go to the post office to mail it, I’ll have to go to the bank to deposit his check, and on top of all that I still have to find new floorboards, so I’m going to keep cutting the leg of my jeans…

Argh. Stupid, know-nothing, poser RUBs…