The Ride Report

One of our guys came up with a description for how we ride (or should ride) that I like quite a bit. He says we should try to ride “in the taint” — not so wild that we’re being assholes, but not so mellow that we’re being pussies either. Now, I’ve never actually wanted to have anything to do with the taint before — it hurts if you hit it wrong, if you know what I mean, and otherwise it’s just sort of a boring no-man’s-land — but as a metaphor it seems to apply pretty well.

An example: We were on our way home from a run out to San Bernardino recently and were heading west on the 210 freeway, fighting pretty heavy traffic. We formed up in the carpool lane where it was (mostly) clear and rolled along at about 85 mph. When we overtook a slower car we’d form up single-file on the double yellow separating the carpool lane from regular traffic and lane split past the slower car, then form up back in formation in the carpool lane. That’s how I like it — we’re not riding like a bunch of old grannies, but we’re not throwing hand grenades and running people off the road either. Instead, we’re right in the middle — in the taint.

On the other hand, some of those passes made for some precision riding since we did a few of them through sweeping curves, bouncing over lane reflectors, and holding position at speed with inches to spare on either side. Me, I think that’s fun, but the guy who came up with the Taint Theory thought we were going a bit anal at that point. Different strokes, I guess… One man’s anal is another man’s taint.

That’s where it gets confusing, though. I’ve never thought of the taint as the sweet spot, or of pussy as something to be avoided — or anal either, for that matter. This theory… I don’t know… It has promise, but I think it needs work.

I have some research to do…