8/14/97 - Thursday

There's a recurring pattern in my life: give up on something and it happens. Light a cigarette while waiting for the bus, here comes the bus as soon as it's lit. Let your bowels win and drop your pants in the bathroom, the phone rings with the call you've been expecting. Get married and the old girlfriend you never forgot calls you after ten years. Or...spend the day working the phones to get leads for a new agent and your agent calls. It never fails. I think tomorrow I'll go get a job at McDonald's so I can start writing for "Friends" on Monday.

Yes, my agent called. "Hi, Chuck, how are you?"

Well, gee, I'm fine except for the fact that for the last week I've thought I didn't have an agent anymore. How are you? And by the way, why haven't you been returning my calls?

That's what I wanted to say. What I really said was, "Pretty good, how about you?" (I'm very assertive that way.) He apologized for not calling me back earlier and we got down to business: what he was having for dinner. Once that was settled we moved on to my career, or lack thereof. The good news is that he thinks we'll have a shot at some shows in a little while. The bad news is that "a little while" comes after Labor Day. McDonald's, here I come. In the meantime he's going to talk to the people at one of the mid-season shows who liked my Sanders spec and try to, at the very least, get me in there as shoeshine boy or something. At this point, I'll go in and do spitshines with my tongue 14 hours a day for free just to get in the room. Pride? Fuck that, I want a job!

The bottom line is that I'm relieved that he called and my paranoia is back in the box for another week or two. As much as I was bitching about him in the last entry, I really like my agent. I wish he had a little more power than he apparently does, but I like him personally. He's profane, he's funny, he's got a really cool shaved head and, most importantly, he believes in my writing. I have to believe in him. It's like I told him when he signed me, "Keep me working and I'll stay with you forever." What can I say? I'm loyal to dogs, wives and agents.