I got up this morning and started to log on and-- What's this? A tinny recorded message warbling from my modem's speaker informing me that my phone's been disconnected, that's what. So I get on the horn to the Bone Company to find out what their problem du jour is. Well, it seems they've cut me off for missing the February payment on the "bend over, you'll love it" payment plan I agreed to just last month.

The fact that they haven't sent me the bill yet is immaterial. And since I didn't pay up, they're rescinding the deal I agreed to. No payment = no more payment plan = no phone. But -- oh joy! -- they're offering me a chance at a new payment plan...if I pony up something like $1,500 for the past due balance and another $300 as deposit by 5:00 p.m. today. Oy, such a deal. I told them to go fuck themselves.

I made a good faith effort to take care of the bill, but they broke the agreement because I didn't pay a bill I never got (and I know I didn't get it -- I've been watching for it). Okay, fine. You guys want to play stupid-ball? Let's play. All bets are off.

I cancelled the line, went to a 3rd party phone dealer, and had it reinstalled through them. I'm still going to pay the bill, but now we're on my payment plan, and that one goes a little something like "you guys get the leftovers at the end of the month." And if they don't like it, they can... Well, they can't do anything, now can they? They can't disconnect me because the phone's not through them now, and they can't go after me for nonpayment because a payment, no matter how small, is still a payment.

Wait, I know! They can kiss my hairy white ass!