OOPS

June 4 , 2000

Well, the one year anniversary of my journal came and went without so much as a blink around here. Many journalers write pithy entries on this momentous occasion. Me, not so much. The updates have been few and far between to say the least.

Does it have anything to do with the fact that my husband got hit by a car? A little. Does it have anything to do with the fact that I haven't had anything pithy to say? Probably a lot.

But here I am today. In spite of the fact that I swore to at least two different people that I would not put up an entry until I got mail from ONE STINKIN PERSON asking me where I've been. I still haven't gotten that ONE STINKING PIECE OF MAIL, but what the hell.

Last Thursday, Zoe and I found ourselves at one of our favorite places on the planet. Yes, the most faithful of you know that means Costco. This time I needed contact lenses.

You know, you gotta love a place where you can get your tires replaced, stock up on dog food, by a drill, get a side of beef, and get your contact lenses, all under one roof.

The list for this trip was short. Contact lenses and NutriGrain bars. Since I couldn't fathom the concept of standing in line with one lousy thing in my cart we cruised the aisles. Still no sign of my favorite marinade but we did manage to find a few other goodies we really needed.

One of the goodies we sooooo didn't need, but I decided to purchase anyway, was a surprise for Zoe. A big surprise. A Brittany Spears CD. The latest one featuring that most incredible of songs: OOPS, I Did It Again. Have you ever heard that song? I mean really heard it. Listened to it. Repeatedly. No, I mean like 15 times in a row? Well, I'm here to tell you that I have.

I have one last request before my brain explodes: SHOOT ME NOW! You see, what I'm afraid is going to happen is that my brain is not going to explode and this song is going to play in a continuous loop inside my head from now until forever.

In this middle of the song is a little spoken part. Apparently Brittany gets a gift from a male admirer. He says, "Baby, I went back and got it for you." Brittany offers back, "I thought she threw this overboard." Him, "I went back and got it for you." Brittany replies, "Oh you shouldn't have." OK, that may not be exactly it, but it's something like that and it refers to that diamond the old lady threw back in the sea at the end of Titanic (a truly horrible film in case you're wondering what I thought of it).

If you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of having a song stuck in your head, a surefire method of getting rid of it (and frankly, giving it to someone else) is to tell someone.

Around here, the phrase that precedes the passing of the song to the next victim is, "shoot me." Whenever Chuck says that I know he's got something really bad rattling around his gray matter. Sometimes I luck out and don't have a clue as to what the song is (you can't give someone a song they don't know).

The most egregious example of passing an unwanted song onto someone came early in our relationship. Sister #2 gave it to Chuck and he so graciously gave it to me: Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.

Oh shit. OOPS, went away and I'm afraid Cher will be knocking around between my ears all night.

But back to Brittany. Oh. My. God. She's dreadful. No, I mean dreadful. I had no idea she was so bad. The worst of it is that Zoe now knows just about every single word to OOPS and sings along with Brittany. She sings without Brittany. We're pretty much OOPS all the time around here lately.

I remember the first song I ever learned all the words to. Georgie Girl. I remember having been sent to my room for some punishment or another. Everyone else left and I was there with my record player and stack of 45's. I played Georgie Girl over and over and over again all afternoon until I knew every single word.

Pretty much the same thing is going on here with Zoe but she's not in this alone. I am an unwilling accomplice.

Note to Shelley: I have mastered the sharpen feature in Photoshop!

Until next time...