When One Closes


January 29, 2000

January On display Collaboration: Gates and Doorways

They (whoever They are) say when one door closes another opens.

Here's the thing though...sometimes closing those doors is hard. Really hard. Even if what is inside the door is painful, annoying, tiresome, aggravating, irritating, or unhappy.

Closing the door and moving on means change. Change can be hard. Change can mean walking into the unknown.

Don't get me wrong. Change can also be exciting, invigorating, and fulfilling. It's the not knowing part. It's the very definition of change that can make you uncomfortable.

I recently closed a door. It was painful. It wasn't pretty. And it's not so black and white, cut and dried, and over and done with.

(Welcome to cliché heaven here.)

Last week I severed relations with my sister. Sister #2.

Dealing with her over the last weeks and months has only become an exercise in futility. Every time I talk to her she spews bile and vitriol. She's full of hate and anger and lashes out at the slightest of provocations.

Last Monday she went off on me. For the last time.

The whole thing started the Saturday before when she called me an asshole and hung up the phone on me.

Unlike past encounters with her that had similar results I didn't call her back. I didn't buy in. I moved on. I ignored her pages and hate-filled voicemail messages and went on with my weekend.

Then Monday came. She called me at the office. She tried to get me to engage in her irrational behavior. I didn't. I won't anymore. I am not going there. No one wins. This was not satisfactory. She called me over and over and over again. She told me she had nothing better to do with her day and would continue to call me all day at work. Well...when that didn't get a rise out of me (thank goodness for the "forward" button on my phone which sends callers from hell into voicemail) she started paging me. After two pages I turned my pager off. She left me various messages. Each one uglier than the one before it.

In the past I've bought in and let my emotions and anger get the better of me. Now I'm following my head and not my heart. My head says let go. Move on. There's nothing to gain by having a relationship with a person like this. Frankly, if she weren't related to me I would have severed relations with her years ago. She's mean, mean-spirited, angry, unhappy, jealous and resentful. I don't need that in my life.

So I'm closing the door. I'm done. I'm not playing anymore.

I hope with all my heart that she can get the kind of help she needs to make herself a happier person. To be the kind of person I would want to have in my life again. That a door opens for her that lets her step out of herself and move beyond all the things that make her so angry and unhappy. That make her the kind of person I want to have in my life again.

Until then the door is closed and locked.

I'm sure there are better things ahead of me.

Until next time...

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