August 23, 1999

OK, so I'm home sick today. Woke up yesterday feeling like something the cat dragged in. Felt only slightly better at bedtime and worse again this morning.

While I was lying in bed last night, not sleeping, and feeling crummy I was cruising the channels. As always I checked in on TLC. At the hour of my viewing, about 12:30 a.m., there are apparently only infomercials on this channel. No home improvement or educational stuff.

I am often amused by infomercials. I actually starred in an infomercial a long time ago, but that's a story for another time.

Anyway, this one caught my then-bleary eyes. A cleaning product. With oxygen. I just kept thinking how absurd it was. But, the product seemed to be working.

It's actually a suite of products, all based on the same thing, or something. (I missed the info portion and was now on the mercial portion.) The product line was called Orange Glo.

As I watched all the miraculous things these products do I got more and more interested, in spite of my better sense. They did this thing with a huge clear vat and different colored laundry, along with iodine, and other stain causers. Poof, voila, all laundry whiter than white. It reminded me of those old Didi Seven commercials. (Now you can imagine my surprise just now when I went to look for that on the internet and there it was.)

Then they went on with a bunch of the other products and cleaned their fool hearts out.

Let's take a step back to remind everyone that I don't actually clean. We pay someone to do that. I'm a firm believer in hiring people to do that sort of thing. Frankly, every time you scrub your own toilet and mop your own kitchen floor you are putting an entire segment of the population out of work and far be if from me to cause an international monetary crisis or something like that. So...I like to do my small part to keep the economy moving in a forwardly direction.

Chuck says my slogan should be: Improving the World Economy, One Mess At A Time.

Anyway, there are times when I have to actually do things by myself and I like those times to be as easy as humanly possible. So, doing my part for the economy (again) I sat through the rest of the infomercial.

Now, I was not about to run across the house in the middle of the night looking for a credit card to order this stuff. I didn't want it that bad. I figured I'd see if they have an internet address in their little tag (which better come soon or I was going to fall asleep) and if they did, I figured they were that much more legitimate and I'd go ahead and check them out today. (How's that for logic--clearly, we're dealing with a sick person here.)

Sure enough...you could call 1-800-somethingoranother, or write to P.O.Box somethingelse. But, up there in the corner of the screen was Visit our Website: somethingsomething.com.

Whateveritwas.com was fresh in my mind as I drifted off to slumberland. I even said it aloud thinking this would aid in my retention. Alas, I woke up this morning remembering nothing except .com.

I did a little search about an hour ago and there it was. I somehow found the page that had the infomercial information on it and I typed my info in as fast as my fingers would take me.

I've ordered the deluxe infomerical starter kit with who-all- knows-what but I'm sure it's going to make my life so much easier.

OK, if any of you have been sucked in by this same thing please write to me immediately. This stuff comes back with a money back guarantee but still.

Am I a geek or what?

Until next time. . .