Elusive Morpheus
A Side of Cholesterol

August 31, 1999

For the better part of the last several weeks I have had a miserable time falling asleep at night.

Normally, I get in bed, turn on the tube and watch for a little while, curl up into the "sleepy position" (on my side with one arm under my pillow, cradling another pillow) and I'm down for the count. It doesn't take long.

And the thing is, I need a lot of sleep. I can do fine on 6 or so but I prefer a full 8, 9 is even better.

Chuck scoffs at this because he can function just fine on 3. I don't know how he does it. The man can go to sleep at 3:00 a.m. and wake up when the alarm goes off at 6. Me, another story. Even if I get 8 hours, I'm struggling when the alarm goes off in the morning.

So, you can imagine how crappy I've felt when I've been getting maybe 5 hours max a night.

11:00 rolls around. I'm tired. I get in bed. I turn on the tube. I get into the sleepy position. And I wait. Then I toss. And turn. I watch more TV. I change channels. I reposition. Toss. Turn. It really sucks.

Since it's cooled off again at night the room is delightful, so too hot is not an excuse. I thought it was too much caffeine so I cut back there. Only the morning coffee. No mid-afternoon Dr. Pepper's.

Morpheus continues to elude me.

The thing is, about 6:00, on my way home from work I'm absolutely beat. I could curl up and fall asleep, if not for having to drive home.

Tonight, after work, I laid down in bed. BIG MISTAKE. I was seconds from sleep with a ton of things still to do. I had to drag myself out of bed.

Since I'm off for the next few days I'm hoping to catch up a bit. At least if I stay up too late at night I will be able to make up a bit in the morning.

Last night, in lieu of sleep I found myself watching the Galloping Gourmet.

There was Graham Kerr, relating anecdotes, and cooking something. I was only half paying attention since I was trying to fall asleep. Also, I had taken out my contact lenses which I normally sleep in so if I can't sleep I can just look up and see the TV. Without my lenses I'm blind so I have to actually put my glasses on to see what's happening.

I had seen him start the show by cutting up a huge filet of beef. I lost interest and then heard something about poaching eggs. What could he be making?

Then hollandaise sauce. He is adding horseradish.

He's really piqued my interest now so I put my glasses on, sit up and pay attention.

Oh. My. God.

He was making Filet of Beef Benedict.

There is no recipe for this gastronomic/arterial sclerosis-inducing creation but the gist of it is a slice of ham, topped with a huge piece of filet mignon. This is then topped with a poached egg, and then absolutely slathered in hollandaise sauce.

I know, your cholesterol level just went up 25 points just reading that. Keep in mind that this episode is probably from the early 70's when America didn't worry about fat and cholesterol.

Graham slices into the ham and beef, loads up his fork, adds a bit of egg, swirls the whole thing around in some extra sauce and tastes. Then we get the "money shot." Lips pursed, eyes widened. Absolute rapture lights his face. A little trickle of sauce sneaks out of the corner of his mouth.

The thing is, it's the same expression, regardless of what he's tasting and he makes tasting everything look like he's just shot his wad; which, in a way I suppose he has.

Until next time. . .