While “working from home” today, I went out on my “lunch hour” to see The Italian Job. It’s been very high on the “Must See” list around the house lately, but Beth pointed out the other day that the reviews have been savaging it, so I thought she didn’t want to see it after all. So I went solo. Because, reviewers or not, it’s got Charlize Theron in it. And I do like me some Charlize Theron. (With long hair. And a tan. And a skimpy white tank top. And that sultry just-woke-up look she has when we first see her in the movie. And… Um… Oh. Hang on, gotta change the shorts now.)

Charlize, the dear girl, is currently occupying the entire roster of my “Top Ten Smoking Hot Babes Who Are Completely Out Of Your League You’d Sleep With If The Rules That Govern The Universe Were Suddenly Suspended” list. (Call it the TTSHBWACOOYLYSWITRTGTUWSS list for short. Or just “The List” for really short.) She IS the list because:

1. I’d probably suffer from premature ejaculation the first time around, so
2. I’d need a second chance, and
3. The Rules That Govern The Universe have been Suddenly Suspended, so I’m going to use that in my favor and stipulate that I rock her world so hard on try #2 that
4. SHE wants
5. another
6. couple
7. of
8. goes
9. with
10. me.

Anyway…

So it was better than I expected. The reviewers were wrong and it’s actually a pretty good movie. I mean, come on — it’s a heist film. How can you go wrong with that? I knew 20 minutes in that Beth would like it, so I knew at that point I’d be seeing it again with her. My wife at my side and a 20-foot tall Charlize in front of me. Talk about your delicate situations…

Anyway…

The whole reason for bringing it up here is that there’s a series of shots in the movie that gave me serious Angeleno Vertigo. If you’ve seen it, you’ll know what shots I mean, if not, then… Well, just think about Charlize. I do.

There’s a big chase scene where the bad guys are chasing the good guys in their Mini Coopers, and the vertigo starts as the Minis come flying out of the tunnel system and land in the Sepulveda Flood Control area. So far, so good — that’s about 4 miles from my house, I pass it on the freeway all the time, I know where it is. They spin around, blast over something that launches them into the air…

…and they land on 6th Street in downtown LA, about 15 miles southeast. Whoa, vertigo! They roar around a corner, skid through an intersection and…

…they’re whizzing past the Staples Center, about 5 miles west. Skid, crash, screech…

…and they’re in Silverlake, about 10 miles east.

And so on. I forget everywhere that car chase took them, but I guarantee you you’ll never in real life follow whatever route they took in this movie. I’m used to seeing LA’s layout misrepresented like that in TV and movies, but they really went wild with it this time.

But I can forgive them. Because, you know, Charlize. She was driving. With blonde hair. And a tan. And a skimpy black tank top. And…

Uh oh. Shorts again.