My flight home from Alaska leaves Fairbanks in exactly two hours. I won’t be on it, though, because I’m already home. I’ll spare you the convoluted details of everything I went through to get here. Instead I’ll give you the simple details.

I got to the Fairbanks airport last night (this morning?) to find that the 12:50 am flight with 12 open seats was actually completely full, but another flight was four hours late and leaving 4 minutes later and I was able to get on that one to Anchorage.

With a 15-minute connection window, I then caught a flight from Anchorage to Seattle (next to the wouldn’t-shut-the-fuck-up woman who at the end of the flight had the balls to complain that “Wow, 20 minutes’ sleep isn’t enough, it’s almost worse than staying awake.” No, it’s worse staying awake listening to you jabber at me for the entire flight.

There was no way I was going to make the 7 am connection in Seattle … until the flight from Anchorage got in early at 6:35. The connecting flight was two gates over and I made it with about 2 minutes to spare. Sweet.

And now I’m home. And now I’m going to sleep, probably to hear the incredible talking woman in my dreams.

But best of all, I’m not in Fairbanks anymore. Life is good.