Conversations With My Daughter
Zoe and I are talking about school when she mentions that there’s a new staff member in her after school program.
Me: Is he nice?
Zoe: Yeah, he’s cool. I like him.
Me: What’s his name?
Zoe: Marco.
Me: Polo!
Zoe looks at me, confused.
Me: What’s his name?
Zoe: Marco.
Me: Polo!
Zoe scowls at me.
Me: What’s his name?
Zoe: Dad! I already told you!
Me: I know. What’s his name again?
Zoe: Marco!
Me: Polo!!
Zoe: (Angry now) Dad!!!
Me: (Innocent) What???
Zoe: You keep asking me what his name is and then when I tell you you keep saying polo!
Me: You’re right, I’m sorry. Is it annoying you? I’m sorry.
Zoe: Just stop it, Dad!
Me: I will. I’m sorry.
A moment passes.
Me: What’s his name again?
Zoe: (Warning) Da-a-ad…
Me: What? I just want to know what his name is. I forgot.
Zoe: No.
Me: No, really, I forgot. Just tell me.
Zoe: Da-a-a-d!!!
Me: No, seriously, I forgot. Come on, just tell me. Please?
Zoe: No.
Me: Okay, I’m just going to call him Picklehead the next time I see him because I don’t remember his name. And I’ll say you told me that’s what his name was.
Zoe: Dad!!!
Me: So Picklehead’s nice, is he? Does he play with the kids?
Zoe: Dad!
Me: What? You said his name is Picklehead!
Zoe: I did not! It’s Marco, Dad, you know it is!
Me: What is it?
Zoe: MARCO!!!
Me: POLO!!!!
Zoe: Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-ad!!!!
My kid is so gonna hate me by the time she hits puberty.
She’s gonna hate you wellllll before puberty at this rate.
This cracked me up. My daughter is 12, and now she is not only baffled by how weird her dad, is but is *publicly ashamed* of how weird her dad is. This adds DOUBLE the pleasure of being weird, especially in public!
Fatherhood is life’s greatest joy.
When Zoe starts dating, I plan to charge a deposit. $50, returnable when you get my daughter home on time. I look forward to much embarrassment over that.
We have progressed WAY beyond that level of embarassment (hell, we put the ass into embarassment!!…)
Try walking with your nice normal family unit through a busy county show, mall, or other public venue when Mom and Dad hold hands and start skipping and singing “We’re off to see the wizard”. No wonder my kids win track meet trophies…
Oh yeah, loud, obnoxious smooching does it too. ;-)