The traditional Thanksgiving meal is built on a foundation of unspeakable barbarity. Turkeys nationwide dread this day from the moment of their birth, knowing full well they are doomed to a sorry destiny of gastronomic gore. One day he is strutting proudly ’round the turkey farm, the next he is stripped of his feathers and trussed up like, well, a holiday turkey, with a packet of his own giblets and cornbread crammed up his butt, and is blasted with heat until crispy and golden brown. Following the shameful day he died for, he spends a lingering few weeks as that most ignominious of holiday fare: leftovers — turkey sandwich, turkey soup, turkey omelette, turkey jerky, turkey casserole, turkey loaf, turkey spam, turkey jam, turkey ham, turkey ala king, turkey stew, turkey gruel, turkey souffle and, when all that’s left of the carcass are the nasty bits that have been rejected for all the preceding, turkey surprise.

The carnage must be stopped. The taking of this web page is just the first step in our campaign to end the killing. We will stop at nothing, we will spare no one, no deed is too foul for us to achieve our ends.