Look, I don’t mean to keep harping on Craigslist but there’s just too much comedy over there for me to ignore it. Here’s an ad I came across today from their “Help Wanted” section:

Effervescent Chess Coaches Needed
STAR Chess is hiring chess coaches for spring and summer. If you are sparkling personality with a passion for chess and you would like to teach kids the most fantastic game ever invented then this job is for you. Make no bones about it! We want teachers who can teach kids chess in a fun and exciting way. Effervescent chess professionals welcome! Working with kids from K-6 in the classroom and a basic understanding of the rules and tactics is a must. FBI background and health screening for TB will be required. We pay well so we expect only the best. Actors, singers and dancers welcome. If you have what it takes then reply to this ad. If you are not sure, try tax accounting. We hear the IRS is hiring.

Why do I think they won’t be getting many any responses to this ad? Look, I like chess, I used to love playing it as a kid, but are there really people who think it’s “the most fantastic game ever invented”? And if there are, do you really think they’d be “effervescent”? And if they are, would you want them working with kids, even if they can pass an FBI background check? And even if there are effervescent chess professionals who can pass the FBI background check and who won’t be weird with kids, are these people likely to be actors, singers and dancers? I think whoever wrote this ad is living in a dream world.

But I totally agree with the TB test requirement. That shit’s scary.