Cooking with our new George Foreman Grill is quick, easy and fun. It can be a little tricky to use, though. Because I’m such a nice guy and such a giver, I’ve put together a handy little 62-step guide based on my experiences with it today to help you get the most out of your George Foreman grill. Follow along and enjoy!

1. Turn grill on and zone out while it heats up
2. Curse as you realize it’s still dirty from the chicken you cooked on it last night
3. Remove grill plates
4. Curse as you burn hands on hot grill plates
5. Wash grill plates in hot soapy water in the sink
6. Put grill plates in the dish rack to dry
7. Take expensive cut of fish out of the refrigerator and spice to flavor
8. Kick seventeen cats out of your way as they swarm around your legs hoping for a piece of whatever you’re preparing
9. Remove grill plates from dish rack and install on the George Foreman grill, first one, then the o
10. Shoo three cats off the counter where they are swarming around the expensive cut of fish you were just spicing
11. Turn grill on
12. Wait for it to heat up
13. Stay in kitchen while you wait because the cats will jump up on the counter and devour the fish if you leave the room for even a second
14. Stare at grill while it heats and prove the old adage that “a watched pot never boils”
15. Wake up from your zone-out when the grill beeps to say it’s hot
16. Shove two cats off the counter where they were licking expensive cut of fish
17. Open grill, place fish on lower grill plate
18. Close grill
19. Set timer for 4 minutes
20. Notice smoke pouring out of grill
21. Wonder why it’s doing that
22. Watch smoke pouring out of grill
23. Be puzzled about why it’s doing that since it’s never done it before
24. Watch smoke pouring out of grill some more
25. Realize smoke alarms are going to go off soon because there’s so much smoke pouring out of grill
26. Turn on stove fan, open kitchen windows to try to vent smoke before smoke alarms go off
27. Wonder why grill is smoking when it’s never done that before
28. Finally decide to investigate why it’s smoking so much when it’s never done that before
29. Open grill, notice that top grill plate is not installed
30. Turn around, find that you left it in the dishrack because you got interrupted by the stupid cats in the middle of step nine
31. Curse at the way the top of the expensive cut of fish is burnt by the top heating element
32. Remove partially-cooked fish from lower grill plate so it won’t keep cooking on the bottom while you try to figure out how to fix this fucking fuck-up
33. Place partially-cooked fish on plate on counter
34. Curse at the way the grill’s top heating surface has burnt fish crusted on it
35. Attack burnt-on crust of fish on heating element with damp Scotch-Brite kitchen sponge
36. Curse as you burn fingers on hot heating element
37. Curse as you realize sponge is melting onto hot heating element
38. Decide “fuck it, it’s clean enough”
39. Throw half-melted sponge away
40. Install top grill plate
41. Throw three cats off the counter where they were eating partially-cooked fish
42. Curse at fucking cats
43. Curse at fucking cats a-fucking-gain
44. Put partially cooked fish on grill, close lid after confirming that top grill plate really truly honestly for-sure is in there
45. Set timer for four minutes
46. Watch it cook for a minute
47. Realize top grill plate hasn’t had time to heat up yet, so fish is not going to cook right on top half-burnt side
48. Curse at anything handy
49. Remove slightly more partially-cooked fish from grill, put on plate on counter
50. Set timer to give top grill plate time to catch up to bottom grill plate
51. Wake up from your zone-out when the grill beeps to say it’s hot
52. Touch top grill to be sure it really truly honestly for-sure is hot this time
53. Curse as you burn fingers because it’s really fucking hot
54. Hurl four cats off counter where they were chowing down on partially-cooked expensive cut of fish
55. Put fish back on grill for third time
56. Set timer for four minutes
57. Wait four minutes until timer goes off
58. Thank God nothing else went wrong
59. Check fish for done-ness
60. Be amazed that it it’s cooked perfectly, aside from that sort of burned rectangle part on top
61. Remove fish from grill
62. Eat lunch

And there you have it! Lunch in a jiffy! Well, okay, several jiffys. But still, could anything be easier??? Get yourself a George Foreman Grill! You’ll love it!