Joke of the Day
Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s house?
No.
Well, it’s really nice.
(From Something Awful by way of a small victory.)
Slick Theme Chooser
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I don’t get it.
All right, try this one then:
A man walks past a bar and sees a sign which says “PERFORM THE THREE FEATS AND WIN A MILLION DOLLARS!” Thinking that a million dollars sounds like a great idea, he goes inside and asks the bartender what the deal is.
“First,” says the bartender, “you have to chug this entire bottle of vodka. Second, there’s a crocodile in the back room with a bad tooth. You have to pull it. Third, there’s an eighty-five year old woman in the back who’s never had sex. You have to have sex with her.”
The guy think it over and says “Okay, sure. You have a deal!” He grabs the bottle of vodka and, with little effort due to the fact that he’s basically a professional alcoholic anyway, downs it. Then he slams the empty bottle down and goes into the back room. There’s a lot of screaming, some growling, and various crashing sounds. Finally a silence falls upon the bar. Minutes pass, then an hour. Finally the bartender sends a barmaid back to see what’s going on. A few minutes later, she comes back out.
“What’s he doing?” asks the bartender.
“What’s left of him is back there in the croc pen,” she says, her horrified face pale with shock. “His clothes are tossed in the corner. I think he tried to fuck the croc. The croc…the croc ate him.”
“Oh, Jesus,” whispers the bartender. “Jesus.”
Nobody says a word.
I like this one.
Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A: One’s a porcupine. The other one’s a BMW.
Actually, the correct answer to “Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?” is that “A: With a porcupine, the pricks are on the *outside*.”
Badum pum.
Eh, I think I like Don’s version better.
Q: What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
A: One is a famous singer/songwriter facing charges of child molestation and the other is a shopping bag.