Before you actually read this entry, I should warn you that you might not want to. What I have to say might ruin TV and movies for you, it might even ruin casual conversation. Just as all you see on the road is blue cars after you buy a blue car, you will notice what I’m talking about when you watch TV or movies every single day. And you’ll probably think of me when it happens.

Still want to read? Okay, I warned you. Let’s go.

I have a screenwriting pet peeve. It’s a phrase that appears in every single sitcom, every 1-hour drama, every movie, every virtually anything that is scripted. It’s a phrase that is so ubiquitous that hearing it snaps me right out of whatever I’m watching. It’s everywhere.

What is it? “I can’t believe.”

I can’t believe you said that.
I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.
I can’t believe my eyes.
I can’t believe this is happening.
I can’t believe you’re leaving me.
I can’t believe blah blah blah.

It’s in everything and it annoys the piss out of me. It’s lazy writing, it’s passive, and it doesn’t make any sense. You can’t believe it? Really? You aren’t able to accept the reality of what is actually happening to you at this very moment? You think you’re hallucinating, maybe? Would you like me to call a doctor for you? I recommend a psychiatrist since you’re having trouble orienting yourself.

It’s even wormed its way into casual conversation. Think about it, how many people said they couldn’t believe it to you today? How many times couldn’t you believe it yourself? It’s a pox on the tongue of conversation.

But TV and movies is where I really have a beef with it. It really is in everything, and I do mean everything. Every single sitcom — and I mean every episode of every sitcom. Friends, for example: ten years of someone not believing something every single week. It’s in every drama. Every soap opera. Every movie, both theater and TV. It’s everywhere. Watch for it, you’ll see I’m right. I pointed this out to Beth and now every night when we’re watching TV we point at each other and intone “can’t believe” when someone says it. And someone always does.

Well, I’ve taken a stand against it. That phrase does not appear in a single one of my scripts. I’m doing my part to improve the TV and movie-going experience, even if none of the producers out there know about it yet.

And you… Well, you’re infected with the noticing of it now, too. From now on, every time you hear it you’re going to flash back on this entry and think of me and nod to yourself and think that, yes, Chuck was right.

Believe it.