Through all the recent gay marriage uproar, I’ve heaped nothing but ridicule on the conservative notion that Marriage needs defending against all those heathen gay buttfuckers (and pussylickers on the lesbian side) who want to get married. Beth and I are pretty solid in our marriage; we’re not going to end up divorced if Adam and Steve tie the knot next door, so I haven’t been able to understand how gays getting married contitutes any kind of threat to us.

Well. Texas, breeding ground of all things typically conservative and stupid, has shown me how. Lawmakers in the Texas House of Representatives and Senate have passed a constitutional amendment that would ban marriage completely:

Sec. 32. (a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage. (emphasis mine)

Reading this literally, it means marriage itself would be banned in Texas if this amendment goes through. If they can’t recognize a legal status identical to marriage, wouldn’t that mean … marriage? What’s more identical to marriage than marriage?

This goes to the Texas voters in November and I’ll be on pins and needles until then. If it passes in Texas, that could give it the momentum to pass in other places, too. If the conservatives have their way, we could end up seeing marriage banned outright across the entire country. Beth and I would have to get divorced. Zoe would come from a broken home. I’d have to start dating again. Ugh.

How ironic is that? The conservatives want to defend marriage against the unholy buttfuckers, but the threat is really the conservatives themselves.

Hmm…