It's tough because when you do it someone who's been an important part of your life has become less important and you have to get used to doing without them. What started out with such hope and promise has somehow gone bad and all that's left are the loose ends of a relationship that didn't work out.

There's a scene in the Tom Cruise movie Cocktail that I think captures the essence of what breaking up is all about. He (Cruise's character) is ending a relationship and they're arguing. She's trying to get him to stay but he's already made up his mind and there's no way for her to persuade him to "give it another chance."

"I don't want it to end this way," she pleads. "I don't want it to be bad between us."

"That's how these things always end," he tells her. "That's why they end."

What I like about this scene is the truth in Cruise's line about "that's why they end." It's true -- if things weren't going badly, then breaking up wouldn't be an option, and if you could make things "good" again you'd stay together. Sometimes relationships can end on a good note, of course, with both parties agreeing that it's time to call it quits and shifting over to friendship, but not very often. Usually it's something like the scene above, where one person wants out and the other one doesn't and they end up hurting each other.

Emotions run high in these situations. Maybe there's a sense of failure because you think you picked the wrong person or because you feel like you weren't good enough or strong enough to make it work or because you think you screwed it up somehow. Maybe there's a sense of relief at getting out of an uncomfortable relationship; maybe there's anger at being left. No matter what emotions you're going through, there's a sense of loss running underneath it all when a relationship ends.

How you handle ending a relationship can be dicey in itself, and everybody's got their own style of breaking up. Some people just sort of fade out and disappear, never calling again and hiding in the corner while you talk to their answering machine saying, "What's wrong? Are you home? Pick up." Others tend to start a fight in order to justify ending things.

Me, I try to be as honest as possible without absolutely trashing the other person's feelings. It's a little cowardly of me, but I've been known to tell the occasional white lie so as to lessen the impact. You know, the old "war wound" story or something. Basically, I hate that kind of confrontation but always feel that I owe it to the other person to at least show my face when I'm bailing out.

So I lie a little and tell them that I still care but damn it, I've got to go to Baltimore for emergency surgery. So I'm a coward, so shoot me. At least my ex’s aren't picking shrapnel out of their hearts.

The bottom line is that breaking up is a part of dating and, as I've said before, dating is like shopping for melons: you're looking for the right one. After you've been up and down the aisles of the Dating Supermarket a few times, you find someone you want to be with and you take them home with you. If you're lucky, you've found what you've been shopping for and you keep it. But sometimes, after spending time together, you find out that who you've chosen isn't quite who you were looking for. And you break up and start shopping again.

It's never easy and it usually leaves bruises, no matter which side of the words you're on. If you're the one leaving, you feel badly for hurting the other person, and if you're the person being left, it hurts. I've been on both sides, all of us have. It's not fun. But it is a part of a process, and it's something you've got to go through.

And then there are the times when an outside influence comes into play and breaks up for you. And that's the point of today's column. We -- you, the reader, and me, the writer -- are breaking up. This will be my last column. The Pasadena Weekly is about to go through some major changes that are going to improve the paper and make it an even better read. Unfortunately, dropping "Calling Dr. Love" is one of these changes.

I've really enjoyed writing this column over the past three months. Interviewing the Romance Ad of the Week people has been fun, spilling my guts about my own dating life has been educational, and I've gained insight from the calls and letters from you readers. Thinking about romance and dating, rather than just going through the motions, has made me more aware of the pitfalls and joys that go with the territory and has given me a new perspective on myself.

When I started writing this column I was a little bit bitter about the whole dating scene and I thought of myself as a "heart wars veteran." But in the interests of the column, and inspired by the people I was writing about, I re-entered the dating world and found that it wasn't quite as bad as I'd remembered.

Writing about romance has made me examine myself and my beliefs and has helped me to be more open to matters of the heart. Since beginning this column and opening myself up, I've met a woman who means a lot to me and I've gone through the uncertainty and run the gamut of emotions that comes with dating someone new. The changed viewpoint I've gotten in writing this column is helping me to find my way into and through this new relationship. I hope my writing has helped you find your way, too.

But now… Well, now it's over and we'll have to get used to not having each other around anymore. I'll miss writing this column for you. I wish you success in your dating adventures and I hope we can still be friends.

I'll call you when I get back from Baltimore.