Big giant head



             
 


In Other News

I got almost no sleep last night. I was up until dawn, then up again 90 minutes later. No, it wasn't because Dave is being such a big meanie.

I was reading Into Thin Air : A Personal Account of the Mount Everest Disaster. It's about an ill-fated expedition to Mt. Everest that ultimately killed 12 climbers, written by one of the few expedition members who summitted and lived to tell about it.

Really riveting reading. A New York socialite who had her Sherpa lug an espresso maker up the mountain and had to be half-carried to the summit herself. A doctor, blinded by altitude and ice, hand and face frozen solid, left for dead on the mountain overnight, somehow rouses himself to climb down to base camp alone. A rival expedition refuses to loan out a radio to help coordinate rescue efforts. An IMAX film crew gives away their own oxygen tanks to help the survivors get down the mountain. A climber trapped at the summit overnight, dying in the cold and wind, is patched through by radio and cellphone to his wife at home in Seattle to say goodbye.

All true.

I picked it at up the store yesterday afternoon, started reading it after dinner, and couldn't put it down until I'd read through the night.

Wow.

     


Thursday -- October 7, 1999
Stee's Survey Said...!

In the "Better Late Than Never" department, I've just now decided to take Stee's survey.

1.Would you rather look gorgeous and be retarded, or look retarded and be a genius?

I have to go with gorgeous and retarded. Look what it's done for Pamela Lee Anderson and Fabio.

2.If you could bitchslap one actor/actress, who would it be?

Matt LeBlanc. Gets one hit series and he stops returning phone calls. Last time I saw him he said "Call me, let's get together for drinks." I did, three years ago, got his machine. I'm still waiting for him to call back.

3.If you could bitchslap one musician, who would it be?

Celine Deon. Just because.

4.If you could bitchslap one relative, who would it be?

My brother Terrence. I still owe him for a shot he got away with in 1979. Punched me in the stomach, then ran. I was too busy gasping for breath to chase him down.

5.If you had to make-out with one relative, who would it be?

My cousin Cathy. I haven't seen her in more than 25 years, but she was a major hottie when we were kids.

6.You see a spider on your wall, what do you do?

Kill. During the great Spider Invasion of '97, it seemed that's all I did. You couldn't sit down for 10 minutes anywhere in the house without a spider showing up on the wall. My kill ratio went way up, lemme tell ya.

7.Washing your privates in the shower: the lean or the fast hand-oí-water transfer?

Lean, baby. Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Especially with your privates.

8.David Blaine or David Copperfield?

Both. Maybe they'll make each other disappear.

9.You need to do laundry desperately, do you wear dirty underwear or no underwear?

None. Can't wash it if I'm wearing it, now can I?

10.Julia Roberts: growing more and more beautiful, or more and more odd-looking?

Odd-looking. Every year she looks a little more like a pair of wax clown lips you left in the car after the County Fair and it was sunny and got really hot in the car and the lips got kind of melty and sort of smooshed out over the edge of the console between the seats.

11.Favorite cussword / phrase?

Assbag. I hate to agree with Alec Baldwin, especially when he's built up a head of steam over himself on The Actor's Studio, but assbag is a great cussword.

12.Letterman or Leno?

Kinnear.

13.Scientologists: quietly creepy or totally wacko?

Wacko. Creepy too, but the last thing you could call them is quiet.

14.Siegfried or Roy?

Kimba.

15.What do you desire sexually that youíre too embarrassed to ever request?

Charo.

16.Maria Conchita Alonso or Rae Dawn Chong?

Hey, remember question #15? Changed my mind: Maria Conchita Alonso and Rae Dawn Chong!

17.Gayest cartoon character: Mickey Mouse or Christopher Robin?

Christopher Robin. Mickey was married (although Minnie may have been a beard).

18.Youíre depressed: do you drink, cover your pain with humor, or take it out on the person closest to you?

Take it out on the person closest to me. Because I'm a giver.

19.Favorite Sutherland: Kiefer or Donald?

They're different? And what do you mean favorite? No. Just no.

20.Favorite Corey: Haim, Feldman, or Hart?

Hart. Because he eventually went away.

21.Mary-Kate or Ashley?

Seppuku.

22.Do you spend a lot of time surfing the Net because youíre scared of people, or because people are scared of you?

I'm scared of me. Chuck Atkins: Avoiding self-awareness one click at a time.

23.What do you sing instead of "pompatus of love" in Steve Millerís "The Joker"?

No instead. I know all the lyrics.

24.Best bets in a "death pool" (pick 3): Andy Dick, Robert Downey Jr., Nell Carter, ex-Pogue Shane McGowan, Ronald Reagan, rock group Hanson, Salman Rushdie, Bob Hope, John Popper, Scott Weiland, Mr. T, golfer John Daly, or that girl from Blossom?

Andy Dick, Robert Downey, Jr., Scott Weiland.

25.Itís 4pm, your husband calls from work to say heís bringing his boss over for dinner! What do you prepare?

To wake up from a bad Bewitched dream.

26.Is a dart board really such a bad wedding gift?

No. It beats the hell out of a blender.

27.Your ass or your elbow?

Elbow. NOT in my ass, thankyewverymuch.

28.Favorite Wu-Tang Clansman?

Old Dirty Bastard. Because I've heard of him.

29.Will Billy Idol ever make a successful comeback?

Tom Jones did. Anything's possible.

30.Letís just say youíre walking home drunk very late from a bar in Madison Wisconsin last week and you see a hundred dollar bill on the ground so you pick it up. A minute later, a very anxious-looking hippie comes by, searching all over the street for something, muttering about "not being able to pay rent". Are you like totally going to hell if you kept the money, planning to spend it at a titty bar in Vegas this weekend?

Depends on the titty bar.

 
             


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Copyright © 1999
Chuck Atkins