The Difference Between Cats and Dogs
or
What Else is On TV?

June 13, 1999

Men and women are fundamentally different. You couldn't pick two more different things and try to put them together to form a cohesive unit.

Look at animals. Cats and dogs. Different. Married? I think not. Lions and tigers. Same thing. Even when you look at different species within the same kingdom (or is it phylum or genus?). Angel fish and guppies don't mate for life. Leave it to humans to take two so totally different things and throw them together--until death does them part.

You could start with the physical. Women have breasts. Men want to have them but don't generally have ones big enough to be any fun. Women depilitate. Men grow beards.

Then you go to the philosophical. Women can't have too many pairs of shoes. Men think one pair of black shoes is sufficient. Women want to talk about their feelings. Men just want to offer a quick solution to their problems

Putting men and women in a relationship poses all sorts of problems. OK, the breast thing works out well for both parties but there are other issues. Some of them I've touched on in the past. But today I think I'll focus on one of the most basic differences in men and women--their television viewing habits. More to the point, the TV viewing habits that affect Beth and her world.

Chuck, like most men, wants to be the Master of the Remote. Sometimes I get the power but not often. And like most men, Chuck doesn't watch what's on TV. He watches what else is on TV.

Me, I can be happy watching one thing. Commercials and all. Not so much my husband. I'll often find him watching upwards of five different things at the same time. Each one worse than the one before it.

Some of Chuck's favorite viewing: America's Goriest Police Chases, America's Most Ridiculous Criminals, The Most Incredibly Stupid Videos of Big Explosions and Car Wrecks. . . I think you get the picture.

Me, I lean toward HGTV, cooking shows, and a few sitcoms, one hour dramas, and Nick at Night.

We do have common ground--X Files, NYPD Blue, ER, Real World, Sports Night, The Sopranos, and Sex in the City.

I'm OK with Chuck being the Master of the Remote when we're in the den. I'm generally doing something else while watching television. The problem arises along about bed time.

I go to bed at 11:00. This has been my bedtime for about 20 years. I get in bed, turn on the tube and go between Cooking Live and Nick and Night. While Chuck has learned the importance of tempering eggs when adding them to a hot mixture, he doesn't like my selections.

When we're in bed I'm the Queen of the Remote. End of discussion. This has meant that my hubby waits until I fall asleep to come to bed, generally. On those rare occasions that he comes to bed before the crack of 3:00 a.m. someone is very very very unhappy.

How many times can you watch the very same episode of Mary Tyler Moore he wonders? A lot I reply.

Perhaps Picture in Picture would solve all our problems?

Until next time. . .