The Longest Mile
or
Put the Seat Down

June 14, 1999

Having grown up in a household dominated by women (four women, one man) there was never any confusion as to the correction position of the toilet seat. Down. End of discussion. One bathroom shared by five people. The seat was always where you expected it to be.

When venturing out on my own this maxim still rang true. I guess that since most men are toilet trained by their mothers, they teach them properly. Seat goes down. You can always put it up when you need to but any woman (or man) who has gone to the bathroom in the dark of night, with the idea of sitting, and found that the seat is not in the down position has been quite surprised.

Your average toilet seat is probably only about an inch or two thick, but when it's not where it's supposed to be it the drop is at least a mile.

Our current household is once again dominated by women. Two to one. A small but significant margin. We are also blessed with numerous bathrooms. Three. Each one fraught with possibilities making it likely that you won't find the seat where you need it.

First there's Zoe's bathroom. The seat is almost always down in this bathroom but there's also the issue of the potty seat. Not a potty seat really but a little donut kinda thingie that fits in the normal sized toilet seat to make it into a toddler-tush-sized toilet seat. I don't have a toddler-sized tush.

Then there's our bathroom. Chuck and I have an absolutely huge bathroom. Truth be told, the bathroom is probably the reason we bought the house. Two sinks on a 15 foot counter with built-in dressing table, huge jacuzzi tub, 8x6 glass shower with two shower heads, separate controls, and a built-in bench. And the toilet. I only have about a 30% chance of finding this seat where I need it.

Finally, the guest bathroom. As I was forced to remember in the dark last night when I was rushing to go--this seat is never down. I've only come to really internalize this. Why? Because Suki has decided that this particular toilet is her own personal drinking fountain.

We provide our dogs with ample fresh water in a very large bowl for their drinking pleasure. Suki scoffs at this civilized treatment of water. It's the toilet for her or bust. Bill has picked up on this lovely habit.

This habit also explains why the toilet in my very own private bathroom is up most of the time. I guess the up option is better than the other option. Sitting on a wet toilet seat. Suki and Bill do not need the seat to be up to enhance their drinking pleasure. The seat needs to be up or you end up with a wet butt after the dogs have finished using the toilet as a fountain.

I guess I'm going to give up on the illusion of finding the toilet seat where I need it. This way I can always be pleasantly surprised but I won't have to fall those extra few inches or miles, trying to reach my final destination.

Until next time. . .